SONG

jaz.evon
jaz.evon
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

<photography by Cecelia Chavira>

You keep on playing that same hate song..

its been on repeat the whole ride back home

sometimes I wonder who you think about..

and hoping that I’d never make you that mad..

if it’s someone else.. well you deserve better..

and if its me.. well I can do better..

maybe its no one.. and you just like the song.

because the beat knocks hard

And you can shout the lyrics..as if you are speaking toward anyone that has done you wrong

and next month you’ll hear something different..

and it becomes the mood ..

You keep on playing that same sad song..

yet you don’t cry, you just sing along, while driving your car

you become passionate

the most I’ve ever seen you pour out your heart

and when you sing … those songs..

those sad songs..

sometimes I wonder who you think about..

I know I have once before, made you feel bad..

thats when I knew, you deserve better..

do you believe that I am getting better?

maybe its no one.. you just like the song

although the strings and gloomy tones

seem to bring out your hidden emotions …that you just found

and next month you’ll hear something different ..

and it becomes the mood

So now you’re playing all these love songs ?

A full playlist full of love songs?

I’m not really paying much attention, but I keep hearing that four letter word

And you know every word to each track, as if you’ve been there before.

you know.. in love..

I low key wonder who you’re thinking of

I doubt it if its even about it me..

But no seriously… is it about me?

Whoever it is.. they must be someone special

to earn your trust and make you feel …special.

but who knows..

maybe its no one.. you just like the song

because acoustic soul seems to make you smile, and keep you calm…

and next month you’ll hear something different …

… I pray the mood doesn’t change.

Kind of in shock.. you’re playing happy songs.

you know .. those upbeat songs about self worth, self love and ..happiness

I wonder if you experienced a break up and now you’re moving on ..

This time I just have to ask

“ Hey, whats got you in a good mood?”

“What do you mean?” You reply..

I mean you’re super happy now,

You’re self esteem is on 10, and it really shows..

so whats the secret, I just have to know..

You looked me in my eyes.. and thats when I realized,

I’ve been staring at myself

this whole entire time..

Looking at my reflection .. I notice…evolution.

Who was I even talking to? Who am I now?

why do I look so different? why did I keep changing the melody, the lyrics, from compressed files to live music with bands that used real instruments…

I finally acknowledge that it was never anyone else that made me feel the way I did back then.

and it was more than just liking a song..

I played hate songs because of my own insecurities..

self-hate

I played sad songs,

because I put myself down more that anyone else around

and I sang out .. passionately ..

until one day I played a love song.. but it was not about a significant other

it was about loving who i am .. and because I gave myself permission to love me ..

I soon became happy.

“its was always.. about you” I said to myself..

“now turn around, walk away from the mirror and write your own tune”

…only you have the power to choose your mood, your vibe,

your song.

  • Jaz Evon
)
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