I smile, watching my little boy giving his stuffed doggy kisses. He is so incredibly cute. He knows it too, he knows it because everywhere we go, everyone we meet, tells him just how sweet and adorable he is. They have no idea. My child is honestly the best form of birth control I could have ever produced.
Sure he is cute when he smiles, but you should see him when he talks back. My one year old little child, yelling at me as if I am supposed to understand every word he let’s fly from his cute little mouth. The same child who thinks he is so cute that he can throw a toy at my head and not get in trouble when he smiles.
Oh this child. I know people sometimes cringe when I say these next few words, but I mean them, oh how I mean them. If he were my first I would have never had another. He would have broken me. He has caused my uterus to shrivel and my ovaries to cry.
Sure, his hugs and kisses are sweet, they melt my heart, and he definitely makes me smile and laugh often. Those other times though, oh let’s discuss those other times. The times when he throws his head so hard into my face that he breaks a tooth, and with his mommy nearly in tears, he starts laughing. The times when he breaks the brand new TV because he just can’t stop throwing things, no matter how many times he is told no or how many times he gets his toys taken away.
There is also this whole biting thing. Now I know that my child is not the first to be a biter, I’ve heard all the stories. I tell his pediatrician, he is biting, he is biting hard and doing it in a mean way because he is angry. You know what this lady says to me? ? She says he doesn’t mean it, he is frustrated because he doesn’t have the words, he is just trying to soothe himself.
Is she joking? She must be joking right?! HE IS MEAN!
He knows exactly what he is doing, he knows it hurts, he doesn’t care. No one can convince me otherwise. He gets mad and bites the first thing he sees. It doesn’t have to be a person, it can be a toy, a blanket, a pillow or even the couch. I think my kid is actually a dog. I have bite marks on my wooden entertainment center, he has been known to bite the corner of a wall. Not just casually, but always when he is mad, out come those teeth. Those little baby, brand new, sharp teeth.
Put up a baby gate, to keep him from getting into anything that could be dangerous or harmful. Yeah that will work, right up until he jumped that baby gate like a gun carrying criminal running from the cops.
He is loving, he is cute, but he is hard. He is so so hard. He challenges me like I never knew another human could challenge me. He pushes me like I never knew I could be pushed. He makes me scream, he makes me laugh and he makes me cry, he makes me smile but he also makes me crazy.
I decided to nick name him birth control. Honestly that is exactly what he is. He has a 15 year old sister and I am pretty sure my poor daughter is scarred for life. She may never have kids after being around him. She has said so much numerous times.
I was thinking about donating his time to the parenting class at the high school, I mean who needs to spend money on those little fake babies when they can just hang out with him for an hour a day. That is certainly enough time to decide they don’t want to be parents, at least not anytime soon. The first toy thrown at their head might do it, if that doesn’t I will let them give him lunch, because the food flying through air could be the key. If that’s not enough I will just tell them to say no, and when he says Why and hits them in the face, that might just do the trick.
My child is not some undisciplined maniac, he is just a maniac. He climbs everything, he has no fear, he is bold and daring. I am on him all the time, and yes he is my last. If I wasn’t sure before him, I am absolutely sure now. I am both excited for his future and scared. I am looking forward to the amazing grades, but ready for the call from the principal. I am preparing myself for both the best and the worst and he is only a year old, well let’s be fair, he is nearly two. That in itself scares me deep down, the idea of him being two, even worse, three.
They always say God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, I believe that, I believe that is exactly why he gave my daughter first and my son second and many years later. If the order were switched my poor daughter may not have ever been created.
Birth control comes in many forms, but I honestly think teenagers should be exposed to kids like mine. They should have to spend just a couple of hours with a toddler, the kind of toddler who takes your breath away the minute their eyes open. That is the most effective birth control I could ever imagine.
I love this little man with every single part of me, I love his laugh and smile, I love his tenacity, I love his will power and determination. I think he will be an incredible adult, a person who will take life on head first. Guiding him to that point will be both fun and challenging.