All right, so I know I’ve touched on it before, but I’m about to expound a little on criticism. If you’re a writer, you know that criticism is probably the hardest part of writing. In fact, if you don’t think taking criticism is harder than handling arbitrary rejection, then you have never been panned by an exceptionally hateful critic.

The fact is, just as you may have suspected, everyone is out to get you. No one wants to see you succeed; because deep down inside, they want to be better than you, and they love it when you feel inferior to them. This is where all negative criticism comes from. Sadly, that’s human nature.

“Azy, this time you’ve gone too far!” you say. “I know not everyone’s out to get me. What do you take me for, some sort of paranoid derelict? You’re an idiot!”

Yes, yes. I may be an idiot; however, by using reverse psychology, I’ve just confirmed your worst nightmare: some criticism is justified. No, not everyone is out to get you. Not everyone wants to see you fail. Not everyone has a diabolical plan to crush your dreams and aspirations. Everyone, however, does have an opinion and plenty of unique insight on your work. And that’s a total pain in the…ego.

Having got that ugly truth out of the way, when can one safely assume criticism is unjustifiable? When should one take offence, skulk away and hide under his blankets with a box of milk duds? Well, never is best, but there are times when one ought to smile, nod, take notes on an etch-a-sketch and pretend to be gracious. The following is a list that should help you wade through some of the more common forms of unjust criticism. I hope you’ll find them helpful.

1) When critique is mean-spirited, you can safely ignore it. If you’ve handed your work to a group of peers for review, and “This sucks! Why would I ever even want to read something this dumb?” is the only sort of criticism you get, you need a new peer group. Further, if someone is so adamantly hateful, they probably have a chip on their shoulder, either about their own inadequacies or something personally about you. Chances are, anything mean-spirited is less about your work and more about that person’s just being a complete and total idiot. These people, like ‘The Machine’ in The Princess Bride, will attempt to suck your life away. If you give up writing and hide under your blankets because of them, you’re letting them win.

2) Every group has a one-upper. You can ignore a one-upper shamelessly. No one takes the one-upper seriously. He thinks he’s the best, and he always knows he can write it better. He has no reason behind his assertions. In fact, his suggestions are usually as grandiose as his claims, and if you took his criticism to heart your work would end up sounding like some bastardised version of Oscar Wilde without all that wit and substance. Smile and nod, and then move on. Better still, once you’ve discovered the one-upper in your group, don’t ask him to review your work. Tell him it’s beneath his master skills, and you wouldn’t wish to waste his time when he could be off creating his newest Magnum Opus.

3) Poets can offer exquisite feedback on poetry, provided they aren’t mean-spirited and insecure or insufferable one-uppers. However, unless they’ve proven they write, or at least read, more than poetry, don’t ask them to critique your latest science fiction venture. Chances are you’ll get a lot of emotional babble about how there’s too much (or not enough) love or hate or conflict or resolution or rhythm or pace or something that is more about poetry than it is about prose. And the last thing most fiction readers want is a lot of rhyming and metered soliloquising. Don’t get me wrong, that works in plays and stuff, so long as you’re William Shakespeare, but it doesn’t really work for regular fiction.

4) Grammar snobs are great for line editing. However, in a work of fiction there are many instances when one simply must throw the rule book on the fire. When a grammar snob goes off about fragment sentences, single word sentences, or the virtues of never ending a sentence in a preposition, ask yourself two important questions:

• Is this a first person narrative?
• Are we talking about dialogue?

If you answer either of those questions with a yes, please tune them the hmmhmm out! Dialogue should never sound written, and first person narratives should sound as if they’re being spoken. No one speaks in written English. NOT EVEN GRAMMAR SNOBS! So there.

5) Yo Mamma may have such hairy armpits that she does, indeed, look as though she has Bob Marley in a head lock; but just because her critique is great, and she loves everything you write doesn’t mean she’s good at offering meaningful criticism. I know this isn’t about the kind of criticism mentioned at the outset, but the same holds true. If the mean-spirited, insecure peer can offer worthless critique, so can those who are blinded by love and maternal obligation. Fathers can be a worthy source of critique, but only if the following criteria applies:

• They are avid and voracious readers of the subject on which you’re writing.
• They don’t fit into any of the previously mentioned categories.
• You’re not embarrassed to let them read what you’ve written. (Here’s looking at you Bridget Jones and Fifty Shades.)

So, now that you know there are some forms of criticism that can be safely ignored, you should probably still listen to what’s being said. There may be something of value in it after all. With the exception of yo mamma and the grammar snobs (that sounds like the title of a book, doesn’t it?), you can learn something from the others. You may find that there is a simpler more concise way to write something. Perhaps you may like the idea of adding poetic stanzas here or there. Could you take bits of the mean-spirited idiot and weave them into your pompous villain’s character? I know it seems implausible, but the one-upper may have it right for a change.

Here’s the point: never fear criticism even if it stinks. You need to know which areas can improve, and peer review is how you find out. Negative feedback isn’t always terrible even if it feels like it, and in the end, it may having nothing to do with you or your work. But if you never listen, if you never seek criticism of any kind, if you avoid it at all costs, you’ll never benefit from it. Even the worst criticism has some sort of value. If nothing else, it’ll help thicken your skin for the professional critics.