Whole-Assing One Thing

My out of office message to certain people

I’m pulling an Oliver, because I wrote this while grooving to Better Than by Lake Street Dive on repeat.

I too, could spend ages reading the news or singing the blues.

Y’all may have noticed I’ve been AFK pretty frequently lately. I don’t know. Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. If you have, and you care or whatever, then this is my explanation.

There are a couple reasons for my absence.

For one, it’s just time for me to bust ass at my day jerb. For some reason the last half of the year is always my busy season, and we are hiring some new writers, so I have the lovely task of training them.

Once my new minions have fully integrated and assumed all of my old responsibilities, I assure you, I will (probably**) be back (maybe**).

** The reason it’s probably and maybe instead of definitely and hell yeah is just that I haven’t been feeling it lately. It’s not really writer’s block. I have a bunch of stories to tell. I’ve started a couple of times just to stop halfway through and say “Ah fuck it. What’s the point…”

It’s more like disappointment.

Disappointment in the infighting, the constant stream of negative comments by both hidden and blatant trolls, the constant stream of negative comments from assholes who love to insist that they’re different and separate from trolls but engage in the same behavior, the meta conversations about the community on this platform, the leaderboards of deterministic nothingness, and the general lack of stories that interest me.

When that happens, when I get like this, I usually disengage completely. I’ve been hovering though. Not really committing. Holding out hope that either things will change or I will randomly start to feel differently.

I’ll write a thing. Pop back by for a minute. More disappointment. Disengage. And the cycle repeats. I was initially SO STOKED to find Medium. Now it’s “meh.”

Maybe I’m just not finding or seeing what I want… but maybe it is actually getting worse. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve stopped tuning in at all, so it’s possible I’ve missed some really great pieces lately. Hopefully I have?

Okay, it’s right here. This the point I’ve written to where I’m thinking of just giving up on this post, but I’m just going to power through so I get something out.

I’m tired y’all. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to be here. Every day is a fucking Monday. Every keystroke is a struggle.

The people I’m writing this for know who they are. I don’t have the energy to list them all out.

I just can’t be here right now. Sorry guys.

Hope you understand even though this is a piss poor explanation. I’m out of office for a bit. Again. Ugh.