Stressed out

“I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink

But now I’m insecure and I care what people think”.

Lyrics “Blurry Face” by Twenty One Pilots.

What happened to the attitude we carried as children. Those days when we didn’t care what people thought of us. How much money we had. What suburb we lived in or what brand our car was.

Why is it that the older we get, the more our days seem to be fueled by stress?

One worry is resolved, only to give birth to another.

Is this is what adult life really needs to look like?

I’d like to share some thoughts around the idea of “being stressed” and hopefully challenge if need be, the way you currently feel about it.

Why do we get stressed?

Stress is and emotion. Emotions are not bad. In fact they are essential. They help us regulate our internal and external world. They throw up red flags when something is wrong. But like most things in life, they are not being used as they are intended. Our brains have been rewired to the social norm of this day.

I need money to be happy. I need to be successful and look a certain way to be accepted. If I’m married then I’ll be secure. If I just had that girl/guy my heart would be whole. I need to know what I’m doing next year to make a move now.

Are any of these true? Or some expectation we adopted from somewhere?

Stress is meant to be there as a trigger. It’s meant make us more aware of something that needs to be done or changed. If we didn’t have any stress then things wouldn’t get done. We were designed to manage our emotions, not let them manage us. A movie came out last year called “Inside Out.” It told a beautiful story about how our emotions Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear help manage our life. They were there to regulate but not control. At the end there was a scene when they were all working together in unity. It’s not the absence of feelings that make us stronger. It’s when we learn how to read them and take the corrective action. We choose what to dwell on and what we give all our power and energy too.

But, when we choose to dwell on stress it leads to worry.

Worry. Oh worry.

Like a wolf in sheep’s wool, worry is fear hiding itself in socially acceptable behavior.

Jesus commanded us not to worry. He knew how unproductive and destructive it is for us.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:25–27 (NIV)

He knows most the things we worry about are completely unnecessary.

Think back to something you used to worry about. Did the worry accomplish anything? You think if you worried less, and just did what you were scarred of doing, it would have been less trouble? Like an assignment you needed to finish. There is a good chance you spent more time worrying about it then actually doing it. Remember the sense of relief you had after? Worry is like trying to chew bubble gum to solve a math equation. It’ll give you something to do but its just wasting your time. It’s not going to solve anything. (Nothing against bubble-gum… chew away!)

When you’re stressed and worried your body begins producing toxic chemicals that end up hurting you. Researchers internationally have conceded for years that the role of fear, anger, depression, anxiety and a variety of other emotions play a role in causing mental and physical health problems. Stress that’s left unchecked can contribute to many health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes. Health problems lead to more worry and stress. Creating a terrible downward cycle.[1]

But there is hope! Most medical solutions are to design a “happy pill’ to change your brain chemicals. But that is just a band-aid to a broken bone, a bucket underneath a leaky roof. It fixes the current issue but doesn’t address the source. You need to learn how to think about what you’re thinking about. Its time we learn how to renew our mind.[2]

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2

When you are constantly focusing on what the world is demanding, you’re likely to be stressed out: Dress this way; buy this car; make more money; you need this education; good luck making friends if you don’t own this product.

A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones. Proverbs 14:30 (AMP)

Dwelling on what you don’t have or where you could be will drive you crazy. What is your current perspective? There is a chance its not as bad as your are making it out to be. Its not as bad as you think because you are making yourself think its that bad.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

Remember you are not what you feel. You are the final say of your emotions. It’s not bad to get bad feelings. In fact, you are meant to express them in healthy ways. That’s why the book of Psalms is so real. It’s real people with real emotions venting them. They held their emotion, with intention, in faith. They still sought and found God in their suffering. Having faith doesn’t mean discounting your emotions. You ever feel good after a good venting session? You think God doesn’t already know what your thinking? He wants you to approach him with you frustrations and problems. Not bury them and let them fester.

When you think God is only there in the highs you’ll be a slave to your emotions rather than a master of them.

I’ll say again you are not what you feel.

YOU

ARE

NOT what you feel.

You get sad, but you are not sad. You get stressed, but you are not stressed. You get depressed but you are not depressed. We have a funny way of believing whatever we tell ourselves. Someone could call you an idiot and you wouldn’t believe it. But the moment you start telling yourself you are, then its becomes true for you. You get worried but you are not a worrier. You might say “but this is me, I’m a just a worrier.” You are the architect of your own mental prison cell. At the end of the day, you are whoever you say you are. You can choose to take the “current” easy comfortable route, or you can make the uncomfortable change that will lead to freedom. You can choose to believe what God says about who you are.

You are made in his image. Genesis 1:27

You were fearfully (with great reverence, heart-felt interest and with respect) and wonderfully (unique, set-apart, marvelous) made. Psalm 139:14 (emphasis mine)

You were adopted into his family and now heirs with Christ. Romans 8:17

You are his son or daughter. Galatians 3:26

You are more than a conqueror. Romans 8:37

You may have a reason for staying the way you are but God has a reason for you becoming all you can be. It’s your choice if you want to live a fuller deeper life with joy and peace.

The feelings you are having are not facts. They may be pointing to something that is wrong and needs to be fixed. You are God’s handiwork. Designed for relationship with your creator. He may be uncovering something that needs to be healed. Before you heal a wound you need to clean it out. When you weed a garden you need to remove the roots. And that requires digging. Anything left behind will grow into more trouble.

God sees the best version of you. And he knows the right path to take you down that will shape you into that person. It may be tough but even gold needs to be refined to become it’s best version. Consider the current circumstance as something that is going to strengthen you. It’s like the difference between working out or just being worked. If you have the mindset to work out you will grow you strength. If not, you think of every movement as unnecessary and uncomfortable. But with the end goal of a stronger body, it makes the workout worth it. You can even enjoy the process.

I think most stress can be linked to a lack of trust in God. We forgot the simple, most basic action of trust. We are God’s children. When you were a child you didn’t need much convincing to believe something.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9–11

God is our loving Father, don’t you think He, being God and all, knows a little more about what’s good for you?

You don’t teach trust to a child, they just trust. The more we grow up the less we trust others. But growing up isn’t the problem. It’s the forgetting.[3] We forget because trusting hurts. We forget because it easier to keep things to ourselves. We don’t want to relive pain from the past. We forget and close ourselves off to others, even God. But then we forget how much love we had when we remained open. We forget how much freedom we had when we knew someone was watching over us. We forget that we were safe and could enjoy the simple things. Just like when we were children.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:13

Children have the right mindset. They may not be very knowledgeable but they have trust. They can still dream because they aren’t holding on to past failures.

As adults we choose to hold to past failures. We let them determine our future, instead of using them as building blocks or learning moments. I’m not taking away from education and growing in wisdom. But we can still learn a lot from the simplicity of children.

Try to apply that thought to your current worry. I’m not saying giving up any responsibility, I’m saying don’t fuss about it. Take action. Action cures fear. Trust that God has equipped you to do what you need to do in the current moment. And if you fail, then you’ve grown a little bit more. Muscles don’t grow till they are pushed to failure. You now know what, or what not to do, for next time.

You can’t do this on your own. We were made to make this journey with people. Find some good people to surround yourself with, who want the best for you.

And don’t forget to pray.

God is near you and for you.

** My next post will have some practical steps in managing stress.