SATIRE: Governor Cuomo to Dump Four Tons of Hundred Dollar Bills into New York Subway Stations to Combat Fare Evasion
NEW YORK — As part of the MTA’s capital plan for the 2020 fiscal year, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo will ceremoniously dump $363,200,000 in hundred dollar bills — four tons of cash — into subway stations citywide. After last week’s protests against increased policing of the subways, Cuomo is facing mounting pressure. “He has to do something. Anything. But not waste money on policing,” says Jordan Blake, an anti-police brutality activist.
“We’re losing so much money to fare evasion,” says Cuomo. “It’s only right that we do something about it.”
Blake disagrees. “They could just lower the cost of riding the subway and people would stop jumping the turnstiles,” says Blake. “It’s a pretty simple solution, actually.”
“Throwing money at the problem generally seems to solve it,” says Cuomo. “We saw this with adding police to the subway stations, and are prepared to do it again.”