SATIRE: Walt Disney World Resort Unveils ‘To Infinity and Beyond’-Themed Cemetery
ORLANDO, FL — Disney CEO Bob Iger announced on Wednesday that Walt Disney World Resort has broken ground on the construction of the company’s latest venture, the ‘To Infinity and Beyond: An End-of-Life Celebration’ cemetery. TIAB will be the fifth Disney park in Florida, and will feature tragic fan favorites in character, such as Bambi’s mom, Mufasa, Bing Bong from ‘Inside Out’, and Coral from ‘Finding Nemo’. Says Iger, “We will finally be able to break into a market we’ve been dying to enter.” TIAB will hire 3,000 cast members, many from the struggling industry of funerary preparation. “We’re so excited to be stimulating this crucial part of the economy. Just because the coastlines are receding and the world is ending doesn’t mean people will stop dying,” elaborates Iger.
The wait list for cemetery plots is already in the thousands. Some reports indicate that the plots are making their way on the black market, for as much as $40,000. TIAB burials will include a full-service ceremony, with options for a New Orleans jazz-style funeral procession.
Mourners will be able to purchase Mickey Mouse-shaped treats, such as popsicles and pancakes, with Mickey’s eyes crossed out. Florida residents will be eligible for a discount on family plots.