Discard Beliefs That Don’t Serve You
It is useful to let go of old ideas because you can make better choices when your circumstances, friends, or desires change.
If you do something that your peers/family/friends don’t like, you might have the belief that “I’m just wired that way.” But if that action is pushing these people away (assuming you don’t want that), the belief is not useful.
For example, perhaps you react emotionally when you see your partner, child, or friend do something you think is bad for them (e.g. eating unhealthily, staying in a toxic relationship, doing risky sports, etc.).
If you believe that “you are just wired that way” then your outbursts will continue and you will keep pushing the person away. Eventually they won’t want anything to do with you. Therefore, your belief is not useful. You should replace it (e.g. Change takes time, and small, consistent wins are the way to make a new habit sticks).
Another example: I used to believe that the ideal diet was vegan without refined foods. This was useful because I greatly reduced the processed food I ate.
But the health problems I sought to fix remained. The belief — that the ideal human diet was vegan — was no longer useful, so I replaced it (that the ideal diet contained lots of meat).
Another example: Years ago, I believed that watching porn was harmless. However, I was not as confident or comfortable with women as I wanted to be.
I later learned from Casey Zander that porn makes your body think you are already sexually successful, so it has no reason to be more attractive. It thinks, “We must be great the way we are if we have so many women at our fingertips.” (Casey also called quitting porn a “cheat code” to get rid of approach anxiety) [Reference 1].
But, if you remove the illusion and stop watching porn, you will become more attractive and better with women FOR CERTAIN. Let me explain.
Your body knows what behaviors charm women, and they will automatically manifest when it realizes it must change to attract the opposite sex.
In short, I discovered that my original belief was not useful, so I quickly discarded it and quit porn.
My point: don’t commit to an ideology or its attached beliefs for its sake. If you have a belief, you should know why it is useful. If you can’t think of a reason why its good, replace the belief by looking elsewhere, especially at what the people you once disagreed with say.
Yours in Solutions,
Jonathan Chamberlin
This article was based on a conversation I had with Chris Panas and another on 27 May 2022.
Reference 1: Casey Zander. Masculinity Blueprint > Phase 2 > Cheat Code Approach (Make it 10X EASIER).
