I’ve missed you, wheat!

Photo by Mae Mu on Unsplash

In my search for attaining the “perfect” body, I fell victim to some marketing ploys. I thought I was a critical consumer, but marketers are geniuses.

Ideal beauty standards are created to sell products and services. Beauty standards are largely unattainable on purpose. Why? So that you buy these products or services to try to fit into the ideal standards. The keyword is try, cause it’s unlikely that even after you make the purchases that you will fit into the standards. So you keep consuming, your life spent hating yourself and envying others.

I told myself I wanted to be…

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

Mirror, Mirror, what do you see?

“A girl who seeks perfection staring at me.”

Mirror, Mirror, what should I do?

“Don’t make ruffles and follow your cue.”

Mirror, Mirror, why is learning so hard?

“You don’t have it in you. You weren’t dealt the right card.”

Mirror, Mirror, how do I look?

“Like you might lose a pound if you knew how to cook.”

Mirror, Mirror, why am I depressed?

“Just put on a smile, and you’ll feel the best.”

Mirror, Mirror, I’m scared I might fail.

“You better not, or you’ll never prevail.”

Mirror, Mirror, you’ve filled me with…

In the context of COVID-19, we are all searching for that elusive concept of happiness.

Photo by United Nations COVID-19 Response on Unsplash

In a capitalist society, marketers feed us subliminal messages that attaining happiness is done by fulfilling our wants and needs monetarily. Each day we are regularly sold the idea that obtaining some product or service will make us feel happy. We work our whole lives to get money, and then somebody else convinces us to spend that money because they are selling us “happiness.” However, it is altruism that leads to a more fulfilling life.

“How selfish soever man may be supposed, there are evidently some principles in his nature, which interest him in the fortune of others, and render…

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

It starts out as a transparent bubble
Surrounding my entire body.
A slight change.
Hardy even noticeable.
But it’s there.

One dark thought
Turns the faucet on.
Drip, drip, drip.
But steadily,
The flow increases.

When the water reaches my belly,
The panic really sets in.
Water begins to surge.

Soon I am drowning
In dark thoughts.
Will I ever be good enough?
Smart enough?
Strong enough?
Beautiful enough?


I take in water.
It burns.

This needs to end. How can I make this end? Make a choice. Remember where you were? Remember all your…

Going for a daily walk can make an immense difference.

Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash

Before the stay-at-home orders went into effect due to COVID-19, one of the main things I did to help relieve my feelings of depression was to play team sports.

Team sports allowed me to be social. I was surrounded by people who had similar interests as me, which opened the door to build deeper connections. These experiences are beneficial as a person who manages social anxiety. I often worry about what others think about me, afraid to say anything out of fear for being negatively judged. …

Look at me being optimistic.

Photo by Vicky Sim on Unsplash

The main reason I have depression — if not THE reason — are the high expectations I place on myself from my idea of what a “perfect” human looks like and how they behave. Anything less than perfection, and a whole lot of berating takes place. Since perfection is impossible, I’m sure you can imagine how often self-deprecating talk occurs. ALL. THE. TIME.

It requires dedicated practice to rewire this beautiful brain of mine, and the trek I make towards progress is not linear. To heal from my depression, I have to believe wholeheartedly that…

I can do this!

Photo by 30daysreplay (PR & Marketing) on Unsplash

There is a sticky sweat under my armpits, a nervous sweat. I’m scared right now, worried about being judged. I’ve been a member of Medium since July 2019, an avid reader, but I don’t want to only be a consumer. I want to create, to be a writer. In my Google drive I have seven incomplete articles that I hope to one day publish on this platform. I shared that desire with my partner, and he challenged me to write this piece. Told me he’d call me in ten minutes, asked me to send him the…

Jaime Ciecalone

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