Thank You
For the past few weeks, I’ve been undecided when it comes to how I feel about graduating. On good days, I’m positive and optimistic. I’m excited — so excited — for this new chapter in my life and just want to celebrate these past four years. On bad days, I feel sad and lament over leaving all the would-have, should-have memories. As if my mom is picking me up from a party early.
Honestly though, the bad days are becoming fewer and fewer and are being replaced by more and more good days. When I get emotional about graduation, I’ve realized it’s not necessarily because I’m sad to leave; it’s because I’m just so happy to have had the experience I’ve had in college.
I came into college blindly driven, ambitious, focused, never giving much thought to what I loved and why I loved it — just merely addicted to success. I can’t complain, because it all amounted to where I am today, but it took me a few years and a few scars to remove my blindfold. To realize that I shouldn’t care what other people think of me and that my accolades mean nothing if I’m not happy with who I am as a person. To think critically about what it is I love. To help me realize one of my priorities should be to nurture the relationships around me.
It’s sad when I think about all of these lasts. But honestly, they’re not on my mind as much as I’ve expected. I think I’ve become a lot better at acceptance. I’ve accepted that I’m going to be graduating — because that’s just how time works — and I’ve accepted that relationships will change. We all grow up, and it’s beautiful to see our transition.
I’m lucky to have experienced a few pivotal relationships in these past four years. While some are repaired and some are not, I cite them as the most defining experiences of my life. I’m changed because of them.
I’ve learned to cherish my relationships with other people because they can change course in an instant. I’ve learned how to not rely on other people for happiness. For validation. To not seek constant approval from others.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to have people leave your life — I used to question what was wrong with me before I learned how to forgive and accept. And overall, I’m a happier person because of it.
I want to just write this open letter to those who have made my time here irreplaceable. These 4 years are now history — moments I’ll remember in flashes with a smile.
It’s the little moments I will remember most. Conversing with my friends on my couch. Pillow talk. Conversations about life, death, religion, our futures, our mistakes, boys, girls, love, lust, sports, kpop, books, movies. Going to a party where you don’t know many people, and leaving with a bunch of new friends. Trying new things. Going to new places.
Thank you. To those people, to those relationships — new, old, and lost.
Thank you for being the sisters and brothers I never had.
Thanks for putting up with my at-times-messy room, and for getting tater tots with me at Late Night. Thank you for listening, for accompanying me in discovering college freshman year, for understanding me, for brushing your teeth with me at 4am.
Thank you for those Stats 21 homework-and-drinking nights — that summer was the most magical thing I’ve experienced. Thank you for the nights of Mahjong, Settlers of Catan, Resistance, King’s Cup, and all of the other stupid games we tried.
Thank you for the laughs over KBBQ — for the videos I’ll always keep on my phone and look back on and laugh at how stupid we were.
Thank you for helping me discover what love felt like. For helping me learn to love myself.
Thank you for all of those visits to Café Moccachino and for splitting the two-for-one boba special with me. For the weekly visits to Ici’s and sending me the menu everyday.
Thank you for being my partner-in-crime, my dance buddy. Thank you for listening to my rants, for getting your ears pierced with me (too many occasions), for never running out of things to talk about.
Thank you for letting me whine to you, for letting me sit on your couch and review your pitch decks, for letting me come over to hang out on a moment’s notice.
Thank you for the confidence — for your undying trust that I was worthy and capable. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to lead, for trusting me, for believing in me — I’m forever grateful to you all.
Thank you for the mentorship, the guidance. For all of the new things I learned, applied, and relied.
Thank you for cooking food for me, and letting me cook for you. Thank you for genuinely caring. Thank you for dragging me to the gym.
Thank you for traveling with me, for sharing new experiences with me in the Netherlands, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong. And thank you for sharing your world with me. Thank you for making me fall in love with new cities and places.
Thank you for sharing your music with me, for letting me use that plug-in thing on your headphones so we could listen to the same song at once.
Thank you for those fuzzy nights, for the inside jokes.
Thanks Café Strada — your coffee really isn’t that good, but you have good almond croissants and I spent so many hours at your tables for coffee chats, study sessions at 7am, study sessions until 12am, meetings, catching up.
Thank you for dealing with me when I felt needy and for dealing with me when I felt independent.
I’m so thankful. For everything.
I’m leaving feeling happy, grateful, and renewed.
I’m leaving feeling like a stronger version of myself.
