Me & You: Personal Discoveries from Netflix’s “Harry & Meghan” Docuseries, Part One
Why a Culture Obsessed with Inflated Opinions, Social Media Slander, Celebrity Voyeurism, Hyper-Critical Judgmentalism, and an Army of Keyboard-Courageous Armchair Experts is Killing the Soul of Our Humanity and the Spirit of Our Communities
In this series on Medium, I hope to share with you personal and sometimes painful discoveries I am making about myself and our culture in light of the Netflix docuseries, “Harry & Meghan” (H&M). In part one, I want to share a little about my personal interest in H&M and share the why behind this series. I think this series will prove to be less about H&M and more about me and you and the modern digital society and age we find ourselves in. And what we can learn about ourselves.
This Netflix docuseries is less about H&M and more about the way our people and cultures treat others, especially those who live in the spotlight and the close watch of our 24/7 digital watchful eye.
*Disclaimer
*Let me start by saying that despite writing my thoughts and sharing them on Medium, I am not very impressed with myself or my opinions on almost anything.
However, we live in a culture that is very obsessed with opinions, the freedom to express them, the passion to defend that freedom, and the arrogance to believe that our opinion on everything and everyone actually matter enough to be broadcasted. And we play in a social media culture that builds its business and profit models off of the constant and endless flow of those opinions. Opinions is the new currency in our digital age.
Opinions are not inherently wrong nor is expressing them wrong. Practically speaking, voting is the most foundational and crucial act of expressing our opinion in such a way as to act on it in meaningful ways to create political change. Opinions can be very good and important. My point is: do we need to have an opinion about everything and everyone all the time and then broadcast that opinion everywhere?
Opinions is the new currency in our digital age.
And despite many of my attempts to swim against this cultural current, I am a product of that culture more often than I’d like to admit. Irony is as funny as it is painful, isn’t it?
Irony is as funny as it is painful, isn’t it?
I get it, I was born in America and am deeply proud of our country’s founding and legally protected values like “freedom of speech,” “freedom of expression,” and “freedom of the press.” But I wonder how far we have taken our interpretations of those freedoms beyond what is reasonable, and good, and whether it fosters the very unity we claim we believe in.
Don’t get me wrong, YOU matter and are deeply valuable. But, our inherent value does not necessarily mean our opinions are inherently valuable. It depends on the subject, context, and person. More on that later.
Our inherent value does not necessarily mean our opinions are inherently valuable.
I just need you to know where I am starting from since you don’t really know me, my context, my season, or my struggle in this life. That being said, let me share why I felt the need to, albeit ironically, broadcast my own thoughts on H&M and why I think you should care. There’s that pesky irony again; ugh.
A Few Reasons for Why This Series and Where I Am Coming From
First, my late wife and I have always been fascinated with and felt a strange connection to the British Royal Family and its history and drama; especially the life of Princess Diana and her tragic death. We both have loved British culture, customs, and traditions for years. The rich heritage of their history, cultural norms, and societal quirks have piqued our curiosity for years.
Second, the lives and development of Prince William and Harry have also interested us. We wondered how they would survive and even thrive without their mother and with the great pressure of the royal family and the relentless pursuit of the British tabloids. Once we became parents, we began to feel their stories and struggle even more. Now that I am a single widower of three girls, I think of W and H quite often and can relate to the pain of their loss and the grief they will always carry through the pain of my own girls losing their mother.
Third, hearing stories over the years of negative family dynamics from the British Royal Family like manipulation, control, division, in-fighting, conspiracies, and more as well as a growing distrust in governments specifically and institutional systems in general have caused me to wonder about the mental, and emotional health of the Royal Family’s members, the actual freedom they have, and the way in which this institution functions and preserves said traditions of life. I think each of us can speak to the challenges and realities of a heavy-handed, controlling family.
Fourth, late into my 30s, I began to see the subtle destruction that fame can bring upon a person, despite its promises to offer purpose and happiness. I watched countless leaders (spiritual, business, education, government) fall to fame’s siren calls eventually losing their way, project, reputation, career, family, or in some cases their life. Even worldwide famous actor and water activist Matt Damon called fame a “mind f*$@” and had this to say:
“Fame is really strange. One day you’re not famous, and then the next day you are, and the odd thing is that you know intellectually that nothing in the world is different. What mattered to you yesterday are the same things that matter today, and the rules all still apply — yet everyone looks at you differently.” — Matt Damon
What does it say about fame if someone as famous as Matt Damon can admit that fame is not all it is cracked up to be and that a boring, ordinary life of anonymity is actually desirable?
Fifth, I am a Xenniall born in 1981. I grew up when there was no internet, social media, and smartphones, and had to adapt to it as a teenager. After only a few years into Facebook and Twitter, I was already starting to see the toxic negativity, cyberbullying, and obsession with expressing opinions on everything and everyone. And it is not just the digital age but also our news and media industry, higher education, and more convincing us that having and expressing strong opinions on everything and everyone is not only normal but necessary and expected. This opinion-obsessed culture exists as much in our daily, analog lives as it does our digital lives.
What would happen if an “expert” guest on a top news show responded to a question asking their opinion with, “I don’t know and I don’t care enough to weigh in and my opinion on this doesn’t really matter?” The anchor and the audience alike would be shocked and maybe even angered. We don’t have a category for this type of reaction. “How can you not have an opinion on this? Do you even care? What side are you on? Where do you stand? What value can you really offer?”
Sixth, I have lived long enough (41) to see my own struggles to love others for who they are, to listen well, to seek to understand as much as be understood, to not assume the worst of others but think the best, to collect more facts and evidence before making an informed opinion, to express my opinion only when it was absolutely necessary and usually solicited, that more often than not silences speaks more volume than words, and to let love for others always be what leads me in my views and relationships. And marriage and parenting have shown me more than anything else how much I need to continue to grow and change.
As a Westerner and an American, I have been often been taught and had modeled the opposite of the above values both in private circles (faith and family) and in the public sphere (online, community, politics): HAVE A STRONG OPINION, SHARE IT LOUD AND OFTEN, DON’T GIVE UP OR GIVE IN, WIN THE ARGUMENT, PERSUADE AND CONVINCE, ASSUME THE WORST, etc. etc. etc.
Finally, after personally witnessing hatred against friends and colleagues and experiencing firsthand the subtle dangers of unconscious bias, both individually and systemically, I am beginning to see how destructive, self-absorbed, and self-inflating our opinions-based culture has become. It is permeating every facet of our culture and seemingly every institution from news and media to education and business to faith and family. Every person everywhere is expected to have a strong opinion about everything and everyone and to ultimately express that opinion by broadcasting it to the world. The Information Age of the internet and the Search Age with Google have moved us into an Opinions Age thanks to social media and a media and entertainment industry and culture that perpetuates these principles.
I don’t think you have to be deeply introspective, emotionally intelligent, or fully self-aware to come to the realizations I am going to share. I think that anyone who genuinely cares about others, wants the truth to be told, is naturally curious, has kindness towards others, is willing to be vulnerable and humble, and desires to show empathy and understanding can get to a place of constructive self-discovery.
The challenge today is that this level of humble, self-awareness requires swimming against the flow of our cultural current, not going with the flow. And it requires we live in such a way that we want to grow and change, we desire conversations that sharpen us, we don’t expect to always agree with everyone, we seek out friendships that challenge us, and we admit that our perspective and opinion is not always the automatic right one.
The challenge today is that this level of humble, self-awareness requires swimming against the flow of our cultural current, not going with the flow.
After hearing about H&M’s desires to leave their royal post in Britain, then watching their interview with Oprah in Spring of 2021, and finally hearing the depth and breadth of strong opinions against their decisions and versions of the story, I became convinced there had to be more to the story. I knew that H&M sharing pieces of their story on Oprah could only be the beginning and was just scratching the surface. And for many people who care about this, unfortunately it seems H&M are in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” and “lose-lose” situation.
Once I heard about their future deal with Netflix and watched the first three episodes, it became clear to me not only that I had more to learn about them but even more to learn about myself and how I view and treat others in the world.
it became clear to me not only that I had more to learn about them but even more to learn about myself
I hope you will journey with me in this learning process and multi-part series. I commit to being fully transparent, vulnerable, and humble in my approach and any opinions I hold and express. I expect at least 4 or 5 parts as the series unfolds with more episodes. It will be personal and probably painful, but it will also be revealing and rewarding. And hopefully healing along the way. Because in the end, it’s really not about H&M as much as it is about how you and I love each other and learn to live this life with and for each other. It’s about what we learn about ourselves in the process of learning that changes us.
Our opinions, even if they disagree, should foster a sacred love for each other not a litany of scrutiny.
Our opinions, even if they disagree, should foster a sacred love for each other not a litany of scrutiny.
I’ll leave you this part one with the words of Jesus from the Gospels:
“He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” — Jesus, at the moment with the adulterous woman about to be stone, John 4.
“First remove the log from your eye so you can see well to help your brother remove the speck from his.” — Jesus, from his famous Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5.
