Hipsters Across America Hospitalized
There have been reports coming out from communities across America that hipsters are being hospitalized in unusually high numbers. Jack Seymour who has no formal education and formulates his opinions in coffee shops and shares them on his blog says:
“This is unlike anything we have ever seen in American history. From small to large communities, hipsters across America are being hospitalized. I think it is safe to say this is a pandemic”
From such a reliable source I think it is safe to say that we have a serious problem that needs special attention. A young aspiring Instagram photographer from Portland Oregon had this to say:
“In my thorough research, there is one thing that seems to be consistent with these horrific cases. All patients claimed to be wearing extraordinarily tight jeans for several weeks before they started experiencing symptoms of what many are calling “Hipster Fever”.
Symptoms of Hipster Fever include a strong urge to listen to indie music, an insatiable hunger for lattes, and a desperate desire to look homeless.
As this story progresses we will be sure to keep you updated. For now, be sure to stay away from stores like H&M and Forever 21. There seems to be a link between them and this horrific illness.