In my musical experiences, I have frequented the mental obstacle of hating being a musician and loving it at the same time. There is a beauty and a mystique to the “musician”. They are perceived to be deep thinkers — always seeing things in a different and often times more beautiful light than the average person. They seem to ponder deep things and to gain the admiration of the masses. I have to say I too have pondered the meaning of life and spent late nights crying over a Bon Iver lyric because yes, it was just that beautiful.
“I too have pondered the meaning of life and spent late nights crying over a Bon Iver lyric because yes, it was just that beautiful.”
I have always had a hard time committing myself to being a musician. I find the act of “musicianing” to be all too pretentious and self-absorbed. I will not lie to you, I often wish I could convince myself that it wasn’t. I want to make myself believe that asking people to pay attention to me and my deep thoughts in the form of music is altruistic, but I can’t. Even as I write, I am telling myself that I am hypocritical scum because I am asking you right now, probably as you sit at your desk at work or sip your $5 latte at a coffee shop to pay attention to what I am writing. Damn, I am a hypocrite. That being said, In my head music holds a different value.
“Damn, I am a hypocrite.”
I have been to several live shows in my lifetime and have viewed several hundred more online, and I see the same things over and over again. Lines like, “It is so great to see all of your beautiful faces.” are like nails on a chalkboard to me. Are we really all beautiful? I certainly am not, and the bloke sitting next to me differently isn’t. I find myself asking why they say these things. Is it to fill space? Are they nervous and have nothing else to say? Or maybe the type of people that really love music and performing in front of others really think that everyone has a beautiful face? I can definitely respect that, and deep down I wish I was that way. Maybe as age and wisdom take my youthful mind I will get there, but today, I do have to admit, I just think of Pretentious Musicality.
While performing several years ago I noticed that musicians have a very “look at me” attitude that I can’t hang with. It drove me away from the stage. Maybe that has more to do with me than it does with any musician. I don’t know.
“Maybe that has more to do with me than any musician.”
What I do know is that music is important and that a lyric can have great impact across the globe. To all of the people that dedicate their lives to music, I applaud you. I stand up and encourage you to never stop because I love you. Maybe someday you will find me in some lonely bar where nobody cares to listen to me singing about my long lost lover, but for now, I will be sitting on the other side of internet, faceless, writing about whatever crosses my brain.
Jarod M Dickson