Los Angeles: Two Year Reflection

Josh Jackson
Jul 23, 2017 · 3 min read

August 2nd will be my two year anniversary of moving to Los Angeles. Wow. I’ve been financially independent for two years without a college degree. That amazes me. What’s even more amazing is that I’m now 150 lbs, despite never going a pound over 135 for the past five years of my life. I guess moving to a new place really does change a person.

I moved out to Los Angeles to pursue filmmaking, and also because I felt spiritually stagnant at home. Don’t get me wrong, New Jersey is the most comfortable place in the world for me, but that’s exactly why I left — it’s too comfortable. I sometimes daydream of an alternate reality where I stayed on the east coast, kept a low paying job while living at home, maybe even gave in and went to college. It’s not very exciting.

Sometimes I forget that I live in Los Angeles. It still sounds like a place I’d visit for a couple weeks, then head home. There’s plenty to dislike. The traffic, the lack of seasons, the overbearing politically correct atmosphere that prevents people from having honest conversations about their issues (that’s a big one). Yet at the same time, I feel like I’m meant to be here. Is it home? No, not at all. More like a battlefield, a war zone, and I’m a soldier deployed to the front line.

I’m hesitant to bring up my Christian faith sometimes. Especially in blog posts. It was okay when my entire bubble was comprised of other Christians, but now it’s different. I’m friends with people who would associate Christianity with being conservative, a Trump supporter, a racist, etc. Many people have been scarred, burned by the church, and have a low view of its members.

But I love the church. I love the community that forms around Jesus and his teachings, exactly as described in the Book of Acts, chapter 2. I love the contagious encouragement, the bearing of each other burdens, the family that is so willing to welcome anyone with open arms. But do I love these things because I was raised with them, grew up with this being my norm? Is this lifestyle still applicable, or even possible, in a city that doesn’t think highly of Christians?

If someone has a negative view of Christians, that’s on us. They’ll know we are Christians by our love, won’t they? There’s a huge temptation to love others so that they can see how loving Christians actually are, rather than loving others without agenda. Intention is everything. It’s the difference between murder and manslaughter. That’s probably a horrible analogy, but you get the point. See, until recently, I discovered I am not that loving of a person. To strangers, at least. I’m pretty good at loving people who already love me. For example, I used to hate small talk with strangers. I especially hated the question “What’s your major?” because if you said something other than visual arts, I couldn’t relate. Or didn’t bother to. I wanted to get to the interesting parts of your life, the stuff I could easily create conversation around, anything that wouldn’t make me feel awkward or not in control of our interaction.

But it’s hard to have a meaningful talk with someone within five minutes of meeting them. It happens once in a blue moon, but usually you have to get through the small talk first before going deeper. Only recently have I been able to ask someone how their day was, and be genuinely interested.

I noticed this attitude change after Jenine and I visited the east coast. As I mentioned, I’m quite comfortable while at home, making it easier for me to be open and loving. Viewing Los Angeles as a battleground wasn’t helping me make friends, unfortunately. But when Jenine came to meet my family, something clicked. It felt like my life in Los Angeles merged my roots in New York. And ever since then, I’ve felt more at ease on the west coast. I’m still here with a mission, with purpose, but I can relax in knowing whatever I do in LA will never be as important as my relationships here. It might just be what I was created for.

Josh Jackson

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