I Think Far Too Much About Stephen King Far Too Much
That is one handsome gullet— [Image by Pinguino, CC]
Are you a writer? Me neither. Have you read Stephen King on Writing? If you have than you’re probably better than me already. Do you want people to be entertained by your writing? Obviously I don’t care. Do you want to write something, anything that somebody, anybody looks at and says to you “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever read,”? Good luck with that.
Writing can be fairly hard at times and very stressful the rest of the time. Making it your career is downright excruciating. I’ll often hand my computer or phone to someone and say, “read this” while I wait for the amazement. I linger for the excitement and look for a tear or two but the responses that I get are usually lackluster. I’ve been told terrible things about my writing such as “that’s good,” could you imagine? “That’s good” in a writer’s language (English but with intense subtext) translates roughly to “kill yourself hack!” In my younger days I would be quite proud of the “good” work. I know better than to be proud of anything I write now-a-days.
“Humans will let you down. Especially if your expectation is for their enthusiastic approval. Nobody cares about anything you do until everybody else does first.” —Me (just now)
In a past life I was a songwriter. I wrote lyrics for every genre of popular music. Rock, Metal, Hip-Hop, Country and even a succesful Christian Alternative song called Come Inside Me Jesus. People actually paid me for this! I found that with anything I wrote the better and more clever the lyric the longer it would take for people to understand what the hell I even said, let alone what I meant by it. One of my most popular lyrics ever was for a rap-metal song that referenced the murder of an American icon where I said I “threw Timmy in a well and put 6 shots in Lassie.” It’s not the line I’d like to be remembered for. It will probably say that on my tombstone. Stephen King must have this same problem.
In the novel 11/22/63 Mr. King sends a man back in time through a portal at a diner in order to stop Lee Harvey Oswald from Assassinating President Kennedy. It’s a love story with a somewhat tragic romantic ending. Amazing stuff.
It’s almost too clever for people to care. It’s far more of a brain-bender than Carrie the shallow allegory for outcast menstruating teenagers (only half as clever as Ginger Snaps) or The Shinning where he pits a psychic pre-teen against his crazed writer father (who’s no Stephen King). I’d bet that 40 years later people still go up to Dr. King everyday and say “Redrum,” as they bend their little pointer fingers. Stephen King has written more than 50 novels and over 100 short stories the man is a legend and deserves respect. I personally like the one with James Caan.
Without trying to sound like a fuddy duddy— which just saying makes me feel like a whipper snapper— if we’re talking about English writing I’d like to mention that less than half of the people texting or e-mailing me these days have a grasp of even remedial grammar, spelling or punctuation. Nigerian prince indeed.
“What ain’t no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?” — Jules (Pulp Fiction)
English is complicated. I’m sure this plays a major part in all of this poor writing. I’m sure that I’m looking for too much from a society with better things to do than read books and stuff. When people do read they’re not actually absorbing information as much as just looking at words. Something, something, something Caitlyn Jenner. The most popular magazines in america are the ones with the most pictures. At least the lost art of literature is alive and well in prison.
The thing any writer or artist needs to remember is that it takes one to know one. If you’re a writer and you’d like some real constructive criticism you should go to another writer and not your butcher. If you come to me with something you wrote I promise I’ll at least try to fake enthusiasm before I tell you “It’s good”. If you can get Stephen King to read your work and tell you “It’s good,” then kill yourself hack.
