The Struggle Is Real: How “Rachel” Dealt with Postpartum Depression
Life is full of surprises. It’s not always what you expect to be. It is truly unpredictable and you have to be ready for everything.
Ever since my life turned 360 degrees, everything then was unexpected. From conceiving to giving birth to becoming a mom. My life before my marriage was exciting and I felt free. Though I may have problems I was not worried at all since I only support myself. It all changed after my marriage, I felt secure because I have someone to lean on, to share my problems with, someone who comforts me and takes care of me. I felt at ease knowing I have a partner who will be with me through the ups and downs of life.
Being in a long distance relationship was fine with me as long as we constantly communicate. And I thought it will still be okay after giving birth, but sadly it wasn’t. I felt bad because I was left alone to take care of the baby. I thought taking care of the baby wouldn’t be an issue since I took care of a lot of babies before since I was a neonatal ICU nurse. But it was totally different when it comes to your own baby. I was paranoid because of the babies I handled before in NICU thinking that it may happen to my baby. I was on close watch for almost 24 hours and was monitoring for any signs of abnormalities.
Even if I am a nurse, I am not exempted. As a first time mom, it was expected: being so worried over little things, sleepless nights, breastfeeding from time to time, putting the baby to bed, changing diapers and doing laundry! I had no support and I was super stressed out, truly the struggle is real.
Every day was not like any other days, there’s always something new as the dawn breaks. I shed tears almost every day because of lack of sleep, tiredness and let’s not forget hormonal imbalance. As a result, I was irritable and felt unfairness, that’s why I always nag and complain and somehow blamed my husband for all the things I went through. I got depressed, I needed support and I wanted my husband to be with me which made me angry because it’s clearly not happening!
I was drowned in depression by the day, I was not happy even by seeing my baby I felt nothing. I easily got frightened by his loud cry and sometimes got irritated by it. There are moments that I even cry when he cries and sometimes I kept myself away from him. I didn’t understand why I was feeling that way. I was losing hope and all I can think about was to end it once and for all. Yes, it crossed my mind, I thought it was the only way I can escape my misery. continue reading
