How having a goal can be detrimental

We all have been told to make a list of goals for ourselves and then do our best to check those goals off the list. The goals might be career goals, fitness goals, social goals, you name it. I won’t waste your time or mine reciting how good it is to have a goal that we work towards everyday, we’re all old enough to know. But what I will do is tell you why having such goal can actually stop you from achieving the goal.

Hahaha I realize this makes absolutely no sense, but I will try to explain.

Have you ever been obsessed with something so much that you startled every time you had the chance to actually do it? For example, you’ve been trying to get more social and take to more girls, but every time you get a chance to talk to a girl, your heart starts beating fast, your ears get red like tomatoes, and your tongue goes missing. Why does this happen? I mean you have the goal set (to be more social) and you’re focusing on it, so you should be able to achieve it pretty easily right? Well, that’s wrong.

If you really want to be more social (or any other goal, I’m just using this as example) then you need to do one important thing. You need to forget about it and at the same time obsess about it. How does this work? Well you need to obsess about it enough to keep it in the back of your mind at all times, but you also need to forget about it enough that it won’t haunt you when you’re not actually being social. Why do you need to do this instead of just going the traditional route and just obsessing over it? Forgetting about it gives you a leverage; you won’t care if you fail. It’s all in the balance.

So let’s put that advice in perspective using the example I was using earlier.

If you want to be more social and talk to more people/girls/guys/whatever, what do you need to do. You need to keep the thought of being social in the back of your mind from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed (unless you’re a vampire). You also need to not care about being social. So next time you’re in public and you a chance to be social, you remember that you want to be more social, so you actually try and talk to people. If you succeed and you have fruitful conversations, then congratulations you win. But if you fail and those people reject you, then don’t worry, this is when not caring about being social comes in handy. The whole concept behind this simple advice is to take fear out of the equation, because quite frankly everyone has the tools to do anything they want, but it’s the fear of failure and what other people think that stops people from trying.

So please take this advice and apply it to all your goals. And always try no matter what, because trying and failing is better than wishing you tried.