HOW TO CATCH YOUR LIFE ON FIRE
By using the internet and some personal weirdness…
By Jean MacLeod
Be productive, stop procrastinating, start organizing, learn to lead, sleep better, lose weight, reverse aging AND get promoted in 3 EASY STEPS!
We’ve all been sucked into reading the inspirational emails and productivity posts from people who have found better living and career success through personal regimens of self-discipline and mindfulness.
I read ALL of these emails and posts. I WANT the internet to improve my life. I BELIEVE the guy who doesn’t age because he puts butter in his coffee. I feel cleansed and resolute and motivated after I read a business or lifestyle blog. Reading is usually about as far as my motivation to Make Change goes, but occasionally even I am awed into action.
Like when I attempted a Scottish Shower.
A Scottish Shower starts out hot, then ends with you turning the tap to freezing and standing under it for two breathless minutes. Dr. Steven Gundry explained the “shocking” benefits of this to me in an urgent email:
“You see, the cold water stimulates your autonomic nervous system by triggering a “fight or flight” response.
This sparks a cascade of events that results in increased oxygen and nutrient delivery all over your body.
The result of doing this first thing in the morning? A surge of all-day energy.
And there’s another benefit I think you’re going to like…
Cold showers also help you burn more fat.”
Damn. Who wouldn’t give up two minutes of a hot shower for all-day energy AND weight loss?
Apparently it’s okay to move into the Scottish Shower by slowly turning the hot water down so your body can adjust to the frigid temperature and prepare to fight the “flight” response.
I didn’t quite make it to Scottish Shower. It was more like Northern England Shower, and I lasted maybe 3 seconds. My ‘autonomic nervous system’ was not grateful at all…in fact, I really pissed it off.
Next, I was drawn to the extreme productivity of an entrepreneur who shared his most productive self via “three habits that help him de-stress and stay focused”. Three are do-able, I thought, as long as they don’t include an IRONMAN Triathlon or skipping a meal. I needn’t have worried — all I had to do, according to the article, was give up my weekends and throw in an 18-hour weekday!
Krish Chopra spends his three ‘habits’ — Saturday, Sunday and Monday night — prepping for work. It lessens his anxiety and keeps him on-task. I kept re-reading his advice; I thought I was missing something in his plan to get ahead, and yep, missing for me was ‘having a life’.
This is when I decided to enter the motivational market.
I’m expecting my brand of professional zen will be a relief to busy, tired people living to win the Powerball, so here are my 3 EASY STEPS to igniting your world while you wait:
1) BURN MORE FAT: Walk really far in a straight line, then sadly realize you have to walk all the way back. Take a dog. Pack snacks. It’s like meditation with better benefits.
2) ALL-DAY ENERGY: Seriously, whatever it takes. Maybe not Scottish Showers. Or almonds. But there is no shame in caffeine-loading or a three o’clock double shot of 5-hour ENERGY drink.
2) PRODUCTIVITY: So obvious: Get out there and start a business or lifestyle blog! Be an authority! Make shit up! Write about catching your life on fire and captivate people like me who will pay you to share your spark.
People will eagerly read what you have to say! On the internet, we are all just one yoga class away from despair, and we devour each new plan/path/step/journey posted by ‘experts’ just like you in hopes of finding the one habit to MAKE LIFE WORK.
Hint: it is not butter coffee.