Be the catch..

Be the catch…

I just recently turned 50. I’m single. I’m working. I have no children. I have no ex-husbands. But I have peace and fulfillment and a whole new chapter of my life that’s just beginning. Am I excited!

When I first meet new people, they are at first shocked when they find out my age, and shocked again that I’m not in a committed relationship, nor have I ever been married. They tell me I’m beautiful. But I hope it’s the inside of beautiful they are complimenting.

I’m not sure if they wonder to themselves, ‘what went wrong?’, ‘there must be something wrong with why she is single.’, or, if they just wonder without judgement?

I tend to wonder…’what is right?’

I was born in a family of 13 kids. 11 girls and 2 boys. It was a bit of a struggle on many levels (and as many blessings) that a book is worthy here, not an article. You can imagine there was chaos, love, competition, harmony, disaster, and more, all at the same time. I could have ran from all of what created me as to conditioning and more, but I didn’t. I resisted it, sure, but I also fought so that I wouldn’t carry the debilitating behaviors and choices with me throughout my life. I wanted change. I wanted to be independent, successful, and balanced emotionally.

So, back to the present. I was having dinner the other night with a girlfriend who is a couple of years older than I. Still single. Never married. Has a career.

We were chatting about a man I recently went out on a date with and of which I’m beginning to see a new pattern. The pattern is: ‘We are now ‘the catch’. Us single, smart, 50 somethings. We don’t look 50. We feel anything but. We are active, fun, warm, open, friendly, and can carry on intelligent conversations. We are playful. We believe in magic and chemistry with others. We have a community of friends and family. We have the wisdom of life experience, and we’re ready for more.

What we are finding now is that the tables have turned. Men are out of first or second marriages. Have been single for some time. Are enjoying their lives, but are lonely, vulnerable, and very interested in jumping into a relationship on date number 1. They often remind me of me when I was a teenager, or, in my twenties. They’re not really checking under the hood to see what’s really inside. They are hypnotically excitable and ready to jump into relationships.

Oddly enough, growing up, the conditioning was always on chasing the boys. Being a tomboy, this felt very uncomfortable to me. I wanted to compete with and against the boys, not chase them! For the most part. :)

In middle school, I was too afraid of the boys, because I didn’t know how to socialize with them once we were ‘going around’.

In high school, I was too busy playing sports and still trying to figure out what to do with a boy once I caught them.

All this while I was completely confused as to who I was, and what my boundaries and values were — these of which were pretty much what I was learning from the outside world, vs what should be coming from the inside out.

Once in my twenties, two things occurred to me. Make sure to get a sustainable career because I was too bored to go to a four year college, and, be driven to find ‘my self.’

Because I didn’t know when I was going to find the right one for marriage and children, I wanted to find the ‘right’ inside of me. Turning all the conditioning from society and family on it’s head. I didn’t feel alone, though, because I had me, a drive no one could match, and a life coach who was right beside me and who had faith in what I was doing. All this before it was the popular thing to have or be doing.

So, maybe I took the path less traveled. I wasn’t the one striving to find a husband while my other friends were settling down. I also wasn’t striving to make my career the priority. I was striving to find the real me.

Yes, I still had relationships. Yes, I did and still do have aspirations and goals. But I didn’t have this feeling inside of a clock ticking for babies, or for marriage. I was completely driven to clean up and change the inside of me so that I could thrive in life instead of survive, and find peace. Who does that?!?

I did this by doing 12-step work (i.e., AlAnon). Getting into things that drew me spiritually like metaphysics. Finding a life coach. One who could call me on my sh*t thus enabling me to look at the hard stuff of what made me ‘me’ that I wanted to change.

Yes, I did this in tandem with my career instead of raising children, or enduring a relationship I saw many peers (not close to me) complain about, have affairs at an unbelievable rate in their communities, and then divorce.

So now, here I am. Happy in life and fulfilled by the relationships within my family and friends. And, yes, dating. And enjoying it more than ever.

Be the catch…become the catch in your life.