What’s your weakness?

Never have I thought of myself as a perfect person. But I have also never realized what my weakness was until someone loved me enough to tell me.

I have authority issues. I dislike taking orders, no matter who it may come from. My parents knew this all along, since childhood I have always leaned, or at least wanted to lean towards the opposite of what they said. Surprisingly they weren’t the ones to tell me. Perhaps they thought it was only natural that a child would want to rebel against their children; thinking that it was an expected part of my growth, and not an inherent and important part of my personality.

No, instead it was my boyfriend K who broke the news. In the most heartbreakingly cold of ways: “YOU HAVE AUTHORITY ISSUES.”

The initial reaction was one of neglect and rebellion, which just turned out to be another confirmation of my weakness.

This weakness was everything I did not “see” myself as being. The term authority issue is anything but feminine. It implies dominance, arrogance, and stubbornness.

Notice the person I saw myself being. This was the problem. From a young age, we are taught to reflect on the person we want to be, and aim for that model.

Although I think that strategy works during childhood, I realize now that after a certain age, we have to accept the person that we are. Because our efforts in trying to be that person becomes wasted energy that could be directed towards bigger, better things.

Like being yourself. So that you can become a better version of yourself.

My name is Jeehye and I am dominating, arrogant, and stubborn as a mule.

My name is Jeehye and I am a leader, a mover, and decisive with reason.

These two sentences describe who I am. But the latter is a better version of myself, one that can only be realized by being at peace with my personality disorders.

Everyone has a personality problem. Don’t be afraid of acknowledging them like I did.

People who love you will love you all the more because of it.

Maybe, if you’re lucky enough, someone will love you enough to take the guesswork out ;)

Thank you K for caring enough to call me arrogant.

(P.S. these thoughts were not scheduled to fall on Valentine’s day weekend, but there you have it).