Marriage Is A Good Reality Check

It was June 7 2015. It was sunny out and I felt a freedom in the air. I felt powerful because I was choosing her to be the one that I’d spend forever with. I woke up with a calmness in my heart and an excitedness in my spirit. I knew full well with confidence, I was marrying the woman of my dreams. I’ve been nothing short of crazy about my wife from the moment I saw her at the church we went to back in 2010, which by the way she wanted NOTHING to do with me. It’s weird how things work sometimes.

We got married at a restaurant in the harbor of Marina Del Rey. A small, intimate wedding with family and closest friends. I wasn’t so much nervous as I was excited to finally get to be with her, everyday of my life. I didn’t have to say goodbye anymore, only goodnight. It was a wonderful evening filled with love, family, yummy food, and celebration. A couple weeks ago, we hit our one year anniversary. A year of pure magic and bliss.

Going into marriage, I heard a lot advice. Unfortunately, it was mostly negative. “Your life is over.” Blah, blah, blah. Gee thanks for the tip man! That helps a lot. *sarcasm* All the cultural stuff all men say and women who’ve been hurt say. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people tell me, “Oh man, that first year is the toughest year! Hope you guys make it. That’s the true test.” I found it rather annoying to be quite honest with you. It’s like well thanks for believing what we share is that shallow that it might not make it. Even had one person say, “What if the sex is bad?” I was floored. Really? Is that what has been reduced to? Marriage is much larger and greater than just freak in the sheets time. The sex between a married couple as an expression of their love and connection. It’s been one year and I’m still waiting for when these marriage experts predictions come true. Yeah she does some things that are kind of weird, like sanitize entire hotel rooms when we stay in them or take my towel and put it in the laundry when it’s still brand new, or how my stack of books that I read everyday annoy her because they’re on my desk. For her, everything has it’s place. Sometimes it’s cute, only sometimes. These things take some adjusting. I did, however, find one thing to be more challenging than anything else.

“The only hard part I have discovered thus far about marriage is getting over myself. Marriage is exposes your flaws and shortcomings. My wife has never once pointed out my flaws, marriage has this ability to do it for you.”

My wife loves the heck out of me. She believes in me like no one ever has and champions on the daily. Prior to being married, I thought I was a pretty unselfish guy. I mean I didn’t step on people to get what I want. I reached out to people. I was always willing to help. Never complained at work. Willing to work for the benefit of the team. I knew that who I was going to marry was gonna be one luck lady! Then marriage happened and bam! you’re not that cool bro.

In the time I spend with myself, I like to contemplate the days, weeks and months over. God and I talk about it. He doesn’t point out my flaws either, but in Him loving me I see where I’ve missed it. An attitude toward my wife that was uncalled for because someone annoyed me at work. A snarky response for no reason. Too much grumbling when she wants to deep clean our townhouse. Annoyed because she doesn’t wanna, ya know, enjoy the benefits of marriage right then and there. I’m talking about sex in case you didn’t catch that.

“Every one of these times has their roots in being selfish. I wasn’t thinking about her best interest, only mine. “

Thus far in my life, marriage has been the greatest reality check. It’s exposed to wonderful opportunities for growth. I’ve discovered depths of love I never thought were possible. It still feels like we are on our honeymoon. When I come home from work and see her, excitement fills every part of me. Home is when her and I are together. Marriage has made me a better person because is has made me think outside of my own selfish desires on a moment by moment basis.

“It used to be whats best for me, now its whats best for us.”

And if I couldn’t love her anymore, I’ve discovered even more that I can’t get enough of her. On our one year anniversary, she gifted me with the announcement that we have a little one on the way and all in a moment, I fell more deeply in love with my bride. She’s my baby momma, holla! I’ll leave you with this:

“The key to being married and staying married is to get over yourself.”

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