jpmorgan
jpmorgan
Aug 8, 2017 · 3 min read

As I read along I kept trying to put myself in your friendship with George. Oh, I had my own George who didn’t move away, but he was sent to a college preparatory school in 9th grade — no, that’s wrong. It was a false memory. I don’t know where the hell he went to school after Kindergarten. We were close but I don’t actually have any memories of him in school with me except for Kindergarten. What’s that all about? At some point his parents sent him to private school so we were together on weekends, when he didn’t have extracurricular school activities. Then he went on to a college preparatory school sometime around 9th grade and we saw less and less of each other. Still, we managed to get together and it was as if the connection was still there, albeit less shared experiences. I think I missed our close friendship more than he did and it bothered me, but I couldn’t change the fact that his parents wanted to keep him away from me and the “gang” of boys we hung out with. We weren’t juvenile delinquents, but we knew how to create mischief, which was part of how boys (and I imagine girls to a different degree) grew into manhood. We saw each other occasionally on holidays during college. I was especially impressed that despite all the direction in life his,parents “forced” on him that he did not follow in the footsteps of his father and grandfather by attending their Ivy League alma mater. Then the Vietnam War caught up with us and I went into the Army while he performed community service in upper New York State as a conscientious objector. I was proud that he took a stand for his beliefs; something that many of my other friends avoided by finding obscure physical ailments that got them classified 4F, unfit for duty. Guess their physical problems didn’t interfere with high school and college sports. Life went on as it always does, and it was probably 30 years before I saw him again, this time while I was on a business trip in Canada where he lived with his wife. We looked at each other when he opened the door to greet me and after maybe 30 seconds said, “Now I see you in there.” By this time we were both married with grown children and the years and family relationships had become our new selves. That was maybe 25 years ago and we haven’t seen each other or communicated since. Not even a FB connection. I did replace him along the way with other close boy friends. One through high school and two (at different times) through college. I have freeness married 46 years and there haven’t been any close male friendships and I must admit I don’t feel lonely but every once in a while I wonder why I haven’t formed those friendships. My answer has always been that my best friend is my wife and we spend our time together as a team. I like that. Still, your story made me think. It wasn’t too long ago that I submitted something I wrote to Medium about people dying. It makes more sense to me now that I have read what you wrote. Here it is.

People die and forget to tell me. What’s with that? Don’t act innocent. You know who you are, er, were. It would be so much easier letting me know your plans than having me spend all that time thinking you were alive. We communicated face-to-face, maybe talked on the phone every few months, or we went weeks, months, even years without catching up. Sometimes, we never caught up. There was always going to be more time. Then you go and die on me. Believe me, I always had plans to reunite somewhere, somehow. If only I had known you were going to go and die I might have acted sooner.

See, this friend may still be living in Canada. Maybe not. The other two friends from college have died. As well as three other male friends I knew along my way to where I am today. We are growing old. At that age when dying becomes more common, but certainly not accepted. I always thought life got in the way of keeping up with friends, but now I suspect we get in our own way. I have the names, addresses, and phone numbers of three male friends from the past, one being the fellow in Canada. I think I will call them before it is too late.

    jpmorgan

    Written by

    jpmorgan