A Shield of Dicks

A great man once said, “Life is like a shield of dicks, you never know what you’re gonna get.” And that man was the guy from that movie that came out ten or twenty years ago; the retarded guy that ended up shaking hands with John Legend and the President, whoever that was at the time when he met the President. Do you remember which one I’m talking about? I think it was the one that got shot, but not the one with the beard that didn’t like slaves. I don’t know what he had against slaves. Maybe it’s their hair because when you see them in movies, it’s always messed up, like they haven’t combed it in a while. I always tell my son “you have to comb your hair when you get out of the shower or it’s going to get all tangled and I’ll have to shave it off and let it grow back”. Maybe I can shave it into a mohawk or something just so that he looks kind of cool while the rest of it is growing back. Like that guy from that show that was on a long time ago about those guys that lived in a van and shot at people. That was a good show. A great show. Just garbage on television today.

To my point: I’m making dinner tonight for a very special lady in my life, whom I’ll call Jennifer, and I am, like, completely out of ideas. She’s a vegetarian, but I don’t have any carrots, so there goes that. I love carrots; I used to eat them every day when I came home from school. My mom said they would make my eyesight better, and I must have eaten a lot of them because now I can see into people and tell whether they’re a demon or not.

But at least it’s warming up out there. It’s been such a long winter.