when a relationship ends…
it finds itself on a cliff to dangle over,
you will choose to push it,
you will try to choose yourself
over the uncertainly of forever,
the phrase "maybe we should be friends?"
will be the worst thing that comes
out of both you and his mouth..
at first: an opportunity that you
can never except nor spot in the horizon,
you will want to believe your friendship
is in the horizon but no, more like
another country, this will be no country
for new friends and past fixations.
you will call him every insult in your dreams,
you will become a motivated hoe
with moderated aggression to rub out
familiar scents in your skin,
sex will be at the end of your pencil,
flipped upside down on its head, legs open
to be reborn single..
cause this will not be your first time
running through lovers, bitter
is a sweet focus to kick rocks
and everything you ever said
in confidence to his nipples,
to drain the flutter of butterflies
from your blood, to fuck for freedom,
every moan is a bandage over the cracks
in your heart and a detour to tell yourself
"this was all for the best"
you will believe honey lives in no one's eyes,
if only for a couple of moments,
on and off again,
the advise your heart whispers into your hands
is tucked away deep in your pocket, forgotten
about and soaked on laundry day,
picking up your own pieces,
the crumbing memories;
his voice, a repeating voice message
his ways, he will cross your mind at the most random of times, you imagine him handing you back a thunderstorm of emotions,
you give back an unsure hesitate "I'm fine,"
he will sweeten his coffee with this, no cream,
the insults continue under your tongue,
you will bate a hook in your jaw (theoretically)
just to see if he feels something one last time,
something you saw on television
told you accurately, said
to write out a list of reasons
why it didn't work, which will
turn into reasons to hate him more,
which turn into reasons to hate
you ever being that person,
which will turn into that
sold loyalty in exchange
then you start to withdrawal
from those memories
like it never happen.