Tomorrow Is Another Day
You Just Have to Be Willing to See It
I am awake.
Not in the “woke” sense, but the “can’t sleep” sense. I’m awake because of life. Life is hard sometimes. It’s hard a lot of the time. It’s frustrating. And if I’m being honest, I have it much better than others. I know it’s not as hard for me as it is for a lot of other people. However, personal problems don’t lose their relevance because someone else may have it worse.
But sometimes I have no fucking clue what to do. Or what I’m doing at any given moment. You would think I’d have figured it out by now, but I haven’t. I’m not sure if I ever will. I’m just lost sometimes.
I keep reading this story over and over in the hopes that somehow it will give me some kind of epiphany about life. About what I’m doing. I’ve probably read it 30 times already. But I still don’t know. I’m not sure reading it 100 times will make a difference. I’m writing to help me figure things out, but sometimes it just doesn’t help. And I don’t know what would.
Maybe I keep looking at it because I’m hoping it will be published while I’m reading it, and then there will be some comments about how I’m not alone. And those comments will give me some validation. Some meaning.
Because I often wonder if there are people out there right now, right this second, who are thinking the same thing. Who are feeling the same thing. Tonight they are trying to figure shit out — and it’s happening on the other side of the world, on the other side of the country, on the other side of my city.
I know there are. And I know I’m not alone, but knowledge and thoughts are two quite different things.
And it’s those thoughts that get you in trouble. It’s those thoughts that take you down a path you don’t want to go on. They keep you from living. They keep you from life.
Those thoughts mess with you.
I have no better way to explain it. But they are toxic. And they will destroy everything in their path if you allow it. These thoughts will ruin you, your life, and those around you if you let them.
Tonight is a night full of toxic thoughts. It is a night full of “being awake” instead of being “woke”. Life sucks tonight.
Tonight may be a night of confusion, of hurt, of sadness. Of not knowing what to do. Of not knowing what tomorrow holds.
Of not knowing what I’m doing.
It’s easier tonight to sit and stare at my computer hoping that this story will be published while I’m reading it for the 50th time than it is to try to sleep. Because I know sleep won’t come. We may meet again soon, but tonight, sleep is a stranger.
However, the sun will rise. And I will see it. Because I know tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is a chance to start anew, and it is a chance for redemption.
It is a chance to live. And a chance to figure out what I’m doing.