Now Hiring: Carnival Help

Job Ref: Carnival Help

Dear Mr. Davis,

First off, thank you so much for not using the slur “Carny” in your ad. It’s demeaning, and getting future generations to stop using that word starts with us. I applaud you, Davis Shows Carnival Company.

I’d like a job, and I hope being late doesn’t reflect poorly on me. Now, I know I missed the May 11th cutoff for working the Sequim Irrigation Festival, and that was punishment enough, believe me! I NEVER miss the Sequim Irrigation Festival, even the year when my child was being born one town over! But I was called away on FEDERAL business for a few years and didn’t get let out until this week. Who won the Strongman Showdown this year? Was it Don?

My experience is thus. I operated the “Beetle Bumps” ride for two seasons in Jackson, the “Seven-Up Cups” ride in Raleigh off and on during high school, and a popular three card monte game (find the lady, where’s the lady?) on the Seattle monorail most nights in 2004. I know how to spot a rube a mile away, and can field strip any ferris wheel in under thirteen minutes. I am not legally allowed to work in food concession stands.

Is there any way I could lay low for a bit this week, maybe work in the back or after dark or something, at least until we cross state lines? It’s too long to get into now, but I’ve got a few people looking for me and a snake I’m not supposed to have. Also, I don’t have a “valid” ID, but I have one that works at SOME airports. Is that enough? If not, you let me skim $500 off my first weeks pay, and I can get my guy to make one that’s laminated.

So, I guess I’ll just come find you guys. If you left Sequim on the 15th, you’re probably halfway to Yakima by now, so I better start driving. When you see a tan Cavalier with a Bermese python riding shotgun pulling up the drive, that’d be me. Just point me to the funnel cakes for a quick bite, and I’m ready to go.

Sincerely,

Jeff Wattenhofer

PS…I’m not sure if you’re the kind of carnival that still does freak shows, but I can dislocate my (left) shoulder on command. It doesn’t hurt much, but boy does it look upsetting. Could be worth a few bucks on the side.