Now Hiring: Office Accountant

Job Ref: Office Accountant

Dear Mr Mays,

Saw the the ad for the Office Accountant job, really interested in it. We should definitely schedule a meeting. Look, I’m more than qualified for this job, and we can discuss my resume at the interview for sure, but I have a more important issue I have to get cleared up before I can work there.

What are your employee life insurance policies like? Pretty lax? I know they usually cover funeral costs, but how conservative are their payments in regards to unorthodox postmortem procedures, specifically cryogenics?

I’m not trying to scam anybody or anything. It’s just that my wife, kids, Aunt Janis, and dogs are all in agreement that when we die we’d like to be encased in a stainless steel tube filled with liquid nitrogen and preserved in suspended animation at a Florida Cryonics facility until the day in which science is advanced enough to revive us. Pretty run of the mill stuff, really. But man oh man is it pricey. So, if I’m going to be working there into my pre-freeze years, I have to know the company is going to take care of me in retirement as well as my several decades spent in ice limbo.

And hey, I’m a fair man. If you put up the money on this side of the freeze, I will be more than willing to work it off on the backend. Provided that up to a century of cryopreservation has not robbed me of all motor skills and the ability to do basic math, I can resume a 40 hour work week managing the company’s finances as soon as possible. I MAY need some retraining.

You know, I just thought of something. Group rates! Maybe we can ask around the office and see if anyone else is interested. I know for a fact there’s some room left in my cryotank. We might all be working together again in the same office come the 30th century! When I come in to interview, I’ll drop off some pamphlets.

I look forward to meeting you soon. I sure hope we get along, considering we may spend several decades with our frozen naked bodies crammed together in a state of neurovitrification. And I SNORE too(just kidding!). I’ll see you Monday!

Sincerely,

Jeff Wattenhofer