50 Shades of Grey

Adapting a novel into a film can be difficult. Everyone compares the orignal work to the film and critics it by comparison instead of judging them as completely separate entitites. I will be reviewing the film, not the next-level trash that is the novel of which the film is based. My safe word is “mediocre”.

This film is plagued with problems from the start. A rough script leads to unfinished characters. Which leads to a broken narrative. Followed by an incredibly boring movie. I wish I could say 50 Shades of Grey was bad, it isn’t bad but it isn’t exactly good either. The film begins with a WAY too on the nose series of wink-wink, nudge-nudge lines from Grey (Portrayed by Jamie Dornan). We get it, he’s into crazy stuff and that is why we are watching this movie. There is zero need to allude to this so harshly or even at all. Not only is it an interesting reveal for someone who is somehow uniformed of this phenomenon of a series but it would leave more room in the opening scene to establish character instead of one singular aspect of Christian Grey. Which brings me to my biggest issue; the title character is the least interesting person in the entire film. Even his driver has more layers to his character than Grey does. I hope in sequels this can be mended as his character has so much potential to be interesting but is about as exciting as a box of raisins. The only character I kind of liked was Anastasia as she has a backstory and a life and most importantly a powerful curiosity which propels her through the movie’s story.

The music in the film was something I was most excited for, a score by Danny Elfman is always good news, until now. I have to admit the music worked in terms of original score, it wasn’t something I can say is memorable but it gets the job done. However I take issue with the use of so many liscensed tracks throughout the movie. Each song pulled me right out of the moment when I should be roped in. They spoon-feed you all along with the story and then when you have a moment to connect emotionally the song just keeps stringing you along, feeding you exactly how to feel and when to feel it. When the lyrics represent what is happening on screen then that is a music video. This movie is essentially a massive music video and that is at least something it can boast about (I guess).

Also it’s worth noting that the sex scenes are not steamier than anything you would see in some other movie of this calibre. I don’t care how sexy you think this movie is it will never live up to the sex scenes featured in Blue Is The Warmest Colour (2013). My favourite parts of the film was the “business meeting” scene, and the ending. The business meeting was stylish, inspired and really worked for me and finally made me give a shit about these characters, if only for a short while. The end did the same but in a different style. It concludes in a way that leaves you wanting more which is exactly what I would expect from a film about domination and submission. As the audience you are the submissive of the filmmaker. This is true of all movies but it must be established in the style of a film like this or it all is completely wasted. Check it out if you want to understand the jokes for all the parodies that are surely on their way but ultimately it’s a very boring and skippable movie. Ultimately it is defeated by it’s own hype, and lousy writing.

My overall rating: 1/5

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