There is nothing wrong with dating someone with potential, it’s when you look to that as a way of overlooking glaring faults, or when you’re dating them for that rather than who they actually are, where they are currently at. That’s the problem. This should go without saying, but if you had clarified that more in your article there probably wouldn’t be so much backlash.
I guessed you had co-dependency in your childhood even before you mentioned it.
The whole point is that you can’t find a healthy relationship until you have a healthy perspective. On yourself, on life, on what it means to love…
I feel your pain though, as I’ve been on both sides of this. For years I was a “beautiful loser”. and in the process of evolving into a healthier person I dated some loser women.
I’m still not completely whole, but I have a beautiful wife who loves me for who I am, and I love her the same. In life we spend a lot of time gravitating towards what is familiar. If something is missing inside you, you’ll look for that in an unhealthy way. It’s inevitable. The losers are almost never completely to blame, for it was us who chose them.
If we look for love we won’t find it, but when we are fully loving ourselves and ready to share it with someone else… another story altogether.