Seven Reasons Why You Should Never Date a Divorced Man

When it comes to dating, we all know what a struggle it is to find that perfect partner. But at some point, you meet someone that you like. You have all the necessary equipments to take you through the dating stage. All the check boxes are ticked, except for one — he is a divorcee.

Most people who date a divorced man ALWAYS ignore the basic facts and think that just because you’ve “fallen in love” everything will be all sunshine and rainbows.

The truth is dating a divorced man is not a picnic. It may feel right and your emotions may all be in the right places but in the long run you will be disappointed, hurt and in some extreme cases, you will suffer from severe depression.

Countless studies by many researchers, relationship experts and other professionals have concluded that if you date a divorced man, you have less than 1% of maintaining a long term solid relationship. That means 99% of people who date divorced men never make it to the finish line and here’s why:

His children decide how far your relationship goes.

The majority of divorced men are fathers. That means, no matter how pretty, smart, intelligent and perfect you are, his children will always be first in his life, especially if they are under 18 years old. You will constantly battle to be the pride and centre of his universe.

When you are in the infant stages of dating, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but gradually this will become more and more apparent. When you first started dating, he was available at your fingertips, even on Monday morning for a date. But as you go down the line, suddenly Tiffany needs a new pair of shoes, so he has to go shopping with her, Johnny needs a ride to soccer practice, Jane got sick so have to take her to hospital etc. You will eventually have to struggle to even have a phone conversation with him.

Worse off, if you don’t get along with the kids, you will feel neglected, unloved, you will begin to slowly resent him for always putting his children first. Even if you do get along with the kids, the kids will always circle your relationship. That romantic getaway you planned, you will find yourself bringing the kids along. Suddenly the only time you spend together is when the kids are around.

When they are not around, he’s either busy with his work or something else takes precedence over you. Depending on the strength of your character, most women never survive the “kids always there” syndrome, especially if you have no children of your own. If you do have kids, chances are you’re doing the same too and your children are also more important to you than him.

The Ex wife is a make or break hammer for your relationship

This is the main factor that will most likely break your relationship. Most divorced men are never truly rid of the ex wives. Remember, she shared her life with him. They most likely have joints assets and even after the divorce, they are still connected in some sort of realm. They share custody of children and so chances are they communicate regularly, whether the divorce ended bitterly or smoothly.

At first this may seem okay to you but gradually you will get frustrated with their constant communication, even after he tells you they are only discussing the children. You will become paranoid and every time she texts, emails or calls, your veins will pop out of your brain. There will be occasions where they have to attend together such as birthdays for the kids, communions (if they are catholic), children’s events like soccer game, competitions, weddings and to some extentfamily holidays.

She may not be sharing a bed with him, but she still shares his life which means no matter how much you want it to just be two of you, it will always be three of you, regardless of whether she is in good or bad terms with him.

His Friends are Piranhas and Coyotes ready to rip you apart

It is very likely that while your divorced man was married, he and his then wife had mutual friends. After their divorce, those mutual friends tend to choose one of the divorcees, which is most likely the wife.

So when your divorced partner introduces you to them, they will not welcome you in their circle. They will smile and say hello to you but that’s it. They will not friend you on Facebook, they won’t follow you on Twitter or even bother to get to know you.

Every time your man tries to invite them for a coffee, the will find every excuse in the book not to come and if they do come, you will feel their coldness towards you. To them, you are a spare wheel, a distraction, an amusement toy for their friend.

You will always be “The Other Woman”

The Other Woman — That is your name when you date a divorced man. You will always feel like an intruder in his family. Even if you met him after he divorced, in the eyes of everyone around you, you are the other woman. His kids will see you as proof that their parents will never reconcile. His friends will find it hard to associate you as his new partner. They will always call you “that girl he’s dating.”

Your friends will associate you with “that divorced man she’s dating.” You constantly have to prove that you’re not just another woman. You’re his woman and are here to stay. Sadly most people will label an expiry date for your relationship and sad to say they’re usually right.

You will most likely never become his bride.

Forget “I do” — If you are the kind of girl that someday wants to get married, then you won’t achieve that by dating a divorced man. Unless he is a marriage-a-holic, most divorced men will never attempt to say “I do” ever again. This is because when they were married to their wife, they thought the world was their oyster.

When it ended, the devastating impact is so permanent that the belief of marriage flies out the window. Marriage is a joke to them and for them to attempt that again is like suicide. Unless you pressure him into saying “I do,” he will never propose to you willingly. Your level of relationship will end at just “girlfriend or partner.”

Meet the Family

If you are fortunate enough to meet his family or he meets your family, then there is some hope to this relationship, but studies have shown that people in relationships with divorced men hardly ever meet his family, neither does he meet your family.This is mainly because both of you are terrified of the family reaction.

In your case as the one dating the man, chances are your parents will not be very thrilled that their potential son-in-law already has kids and has done the marriage thing. Most parents want a single in law with no baggage so they can be the original grandparents.

As for his parents, they will not be thrilled either that they have to share their grand parenthood with other people. It is also very rare that your families will get together, unless you’re both from the same neighborhood and both families are familiar with both of you.

The Race Factor

Dating someone who is a different race to you is always a challenge. It’s a bigger challenge if he is divorced. Though love may be the binding factor for the both you, other factors will forever separate you.

For instance, you’re likely to have different taste in food, different tastes in hobbies, different perspective of life. The people around you will most likely be uncomfortable around the both of you. Your family members will not make an effort to be around you. One of you will always be the underdog.

There’s also a greater chance that you won’t bond with his children. When you go out, the look in people’s faces when they see both of you will be intimidating. Some couples may put on a brave face and say “I don’t care what people think” but deep down you do. When you go to a restaurant, waiters treat you differently. When you go to the movies, the attendants treat you differently. That race barrier will always hang over people’s heads. It may not initially affect you, but in the long run it always does.

Conclusion

My advice to you regarding dating a divorced man is… Don’t! Save yourself the heartache and misery that comes with it.

In the long run it’s not worth it, especially if your divorced man was married for a long time (20 years plus.) Forget the love factor. Love is an illusion and no amount of it will sustain a relationship that’s founded on broken ground.

The author is a advice columnist and guidance counselor. For more info please click here