As I began to love myself;
My relationship with everyone and everything changed.
After many years of toxicity, bad choices and heart breaks; I found the strength to sit myself down and own up to who I had become. This reflection that i’d become so good at avoiding (barring Saturday nights as I piled on the makeup and sipped on my gin and lemonade whilst getting ready for a night on the town), I finally stared long and hard at it and saw it for what it was. Me. Only an unrecognisable, hard headed and broken version.
You are not you anymore. But that is okay, because in order to really find yourself you must lose yourself first.
Stop. Shh. Don’t blame anyone. Take responsibility. Your current state of being is based on choice and repercussion.
After a few long conversations with myself (when I say conversations I actually mean long cries, sessions of self pity followed by some harsh reality checks), I felt tired, exhausted and quite honestly I just didn’t have the energy to be sad anymore.
You are on your own now Pegs. There’s no one to blame, there’s no one to pick you up off of the floor and hold your hand to take you back to bed. This moment of realisation, that I only had myself…it didn’t make me sad. In fact it did quite the opposite. For the first time in years, I felt that all I had to do was live for me. No one else. Just me.
The only step from there was to take care of me, to love me. Unconditionally. Once this became a reality, everything changed. Life just looked different, i woke up to different colours and fell asleep to new melodies.
Choose you.
