Wanting to be someone.

Not long ago, I went to an industry event. I hadn’t been to one in years. So many years in fact, that I completely forgotten what to expect. Having left my anxiety behind me a good few months ago, I went in with an open mind. I was eager to meet people, have conversations, hear what people had to say and most importantly, to learn.

However, what I ended up learning, was not about the industry, music or art. I learnt about validation. I learnt how I do not value who I am and where I am.

At an industry event, one of the first questions people ask is ‘so, what do you do?’. This is completely natural in networking of course. I could feel myself crumbling each and every time someone asked me this. A few years ago, I would’ve answered with a confident ‘I’m a photographer and director’. This time it wasn’t so simple. Having left behind previous notions of my career and being at a stage of not certainly knowing where I am and what I’ll end up doing in a pool of people who seem to have it all figured out, I wanted to crawl under a rock. But I kept my head up, I answered honestly and with pride, ‘I’m a Psychology student’. I pretended that it didn’t matter to me.

You know that look when someone isn’t quite sure of your relevance. Yep. Each and every time I was given the same look.

But I made it relevant, I spoke my heart out till what I did was not the matter at hand, but who I am. I’m pretty sure I made an impact on every person I spoke to that day, whether they were strangers or friends.

I will never ever base how I feel about myself on my title, how many goals I’ve achieved or another person’s definition of success again.

I have worked hard to be where I am now and it’s exactly where I need to be.