When You Left

You left long before you really did. You told me you weren’t in a good place. You told me you needed some space. Why was I so stupid? Why didn’t I see it?

My best friend, my angel, I know you left us long before the train came. I know you felt freedom when you picked a date, when your brain told you that was what you had to do. But my best friend, my angel, I still feel trapped in the day that you left.

I remember finding out and screaming. I remember waking up the day after with a knot in my stomach, lying in bed for hours until I could no longer bear the heat of my room. I remember getting in the shower screaming and sobbing that this was something you’d never be able to do again. Screaming and crying that I let you distance yourself from me. Screaming and crying that I didn’t see it, that I didn’t do anything.

I know you didn’t make a choice. I’m not mad at you. How could I be? The pain you felt was unimaginable.

But my best friend, my angel, when you left — you took a piece of my heart with you.