Adventures in Child-Rearing


It is a long holiday weekend. American families celebrate together and there is an extra day off of work and school. I am surrounded by family, sans my own children. One lives across the Atlantic. The other, five states away with my now son-in-law. While I miss them daily, I am comforted with their independence, that they are citizens of the world and that they are not spending their days simply in my orbit.
They are their own people.
And this is what I had hoped for — for them. Though it is sometimes sad for me. Parenting is not an easy challenge and most of us get it wrong. We only each hope that we get much of it right.
We live in an age of sharing everything. I am square in the middle of this “social” experiment. My daughters would say over sharing. And again, they are correct. In this social world, there are many young parents who share their expertise on raising children. This is how to diaper, how to feed, how to educate, how to reward and how to rear. And I roll my eyes. While I am certain that they are well-intentioned, none of them have a clue.
We didn’t. They don’t. No one does.
As my grandfather said on his death bed “we do the best that we can.” Or as the late Jackie Kennedy said “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think anything else you do matters much.”
And I simply want to say to these eager parents, lets talk once your children are grown and we will see how it all worked out.
To be sure, parenting is the toughest, most rewarding, most challenging, yet most fulfilling role of a life (at least my life.) I am certain that my own kids grouse to their partners and friends about the things that their mom does/has done/will do. Like we have all done about our own parents. All while loving each other well through it all.
Because unlike John McCain’s children, none of us have heroes as parents, or are heroes ourselves. We are just ordinary people without an owner’s manual.
As my mom and I discussed yesterday over lunch, we are merely average. And average is just fine. We are living, breathing, loving, laughing and taking in life. And for that we are fortunate.
We are cleaning our home of stuff and clutter yet again. In this ritual, I see the old photographs of time well spent. The birthday parties, the time together, the holidays and the food. We are packing up our recently married daughter’s room and taking it to her five states south of us.
We are putting much of our overseas daughter’s room into storage. She is moving into a new place and needs furniture. She asked if I could ship her bed. She loves the bed that I picked out for her many years ago. I said “honey, we are not of that ilk. I cannot travel on the Queen Mary, across the ocean with your bed.” Alas, it makes sense to buy a new one.
In looking at the pictures, I missed the kids more. But I also know that this weekend, and every weekend, they are creating their own traditions.Because this is what independent young adults do. They are likely preparing food that their grandmother taught them to make (I don’t cook and she does) and they are laughing with their own friends.
For this I am grateful. For their happiness, For their independence. For an empty nest that misses them, but knows this is how life is supposed to be.
Still serving their favorite ice cream tonight.
Jennifer
