When the Universe shoves you right off the bus, and doesn’t even slow down. [Swerve, I warned you, bitch]…

Okay, to be totally honest, I was warned. A lot.
It seems that after 11 years of me ‘turning my life upside down just to see what falls out,’ I’ve adopted a certain idealist recap strategy. It’s a philosophy that even my Tarot reader [who upon my confessing to, the familiar, “I didn’t heed your warning” during my tail-tucking take-two WTH, what now? session a year and some minutes later], also employed when she took the highroad of told-you-so, “You know Jen, if you wouldn’t have done it anyway, you’d always have doubt. And this way, you know for certain.”
Wow. She’s right and I’m also right to chalk it up to, “I guess I needed to learn this lesson right now.”
“Again”…
Only this time around again, I’m not in my twenties, or my thirties, I’m not really even all that interested in what used to be the most intoxicating phase of all this again business, Eros.
Now at forty-two, a recently tenderized empty-nester, a fulfilled career that I’ve upgraded to independent consulting, a simplified lifestyle, and a deeper understanding that life really is all make-believe and will end soon enough… I yearn for a different experience.
Do I really want to begin again, again? I don’t. I didn’t. I thought I found my forever man (or rather that I could will my man into forever…) Turns out my hunch was right, as were the cards, the stars, the numbers, and my gut. He wasn’t forever in.
I ask myself, what’s with the perpetual cosmic lesson planning you’re designing each time you ignore yourself? Your intuition? Your truth? Your Goddess nature?
I did learn in all fairness. And I had a nice time. I experienced a deep love. It just didn’t last as long as I wanted. Perhaps next time I won’t be so curious to see what’s behind the red door. Curiosity kills the kitty. But oh boy! How I love love.
