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Your Thanksgiving Toolkit: The Questions Conservatives Ask, And How To Answer Them

Jen Winston
13 min readNov 22, 2018

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Hello and welcome to this guide! My name is Jen Winston — I run an Instagram called @girlpowersupply dedicated to education around social issues, allyship, and privilege.

Thank you for using this “holiday” to talk to your family and friends about more than just football! Many of us rarely cross paths with the people in our lives who have different political views, so this is a rare opportunity to exchange perspectives. (Or as I like to call it, “a good time to teach our aunts how to stop being trash.”)

Below you’ll find a few topics you may encounter at the dinner table, broken down into common conservative arguments, example responses, and places to get more information. If you find the responses don’t make sense to you, do some research on your own to understand the sentiment and come prepared.

Before we get started, a few tips on having effective conversations (most of these were inspired by SURJ’s Thanksgiving Guide — make sure to check theirs out as well):

  • Don’t blame your relatives for not being “woke”— this is about educating them. It’s not easy to realize massive flaws in your worldview, so recognize that and practice empathy.
  • When arguments get heated, try asking questions — ask how they feel and why they feel that way.
  • Show vulnerability whenever possible. Expressing your own unlearning and admitting your mistakes can make the experience easier for others.
  • Remember that it’s not only Republicans who have work to do. Just because your family all voted Democrat does not mean they are exempt from needing an intervention.
  • Many people will try to showcase themselves as “one of the good ones.” Explain that good intentions may still have a negative impact.
  • If you find that words like “white privilege” or “feminism” are not resonating, try speaking from your own experience and using relatable terms.
  • Remember that these conversations aren’t about looking smart or being right—they’re about doing work that is your responsibility.

Native Rights

Entry Point: Thanksgiving

If they say: “Thanksgiving was a feast to celebrate after the pilgrims found America!”
Respond with: “There are many ‘feel-good’ myths about Thanksgiving that keep us from unpacking the real story. The first Thanksgiving was actually a ceremony to honor Dutch and English settlers after they massacred over 700 indigenous people during a ceremonial dance.”

If they say: “Why do we have to talk about this right now?”
Respond with: “Because Native people are systematically disenfranchised on their own land, facing obstacles like poor health care, low education, and poverty, and this holiday was established by colonizers to celebrate that disenfranchisement. If we don’t talk about the origins of it, we are actively participating in a ritual that erases native and indigenous people.”

  • More info: Shameless plug, but watch the Indigenous takeovers this week on @girlpowersupply

If they say: “Colonization happened a long time ago.”
Respond with: “But the effects are still greatly felt today. As we saw with Standing Rock and the Dakota Access Pipeline, resource expansion backed by corporate and government funding still poses a serious threat indigenous land, water, economies, and more. 75% of abandoned uranium mines are on Native lands. 22% of Native children suffer from PTSD, which is the same rate found in Iraq & Afganistan veterans.”

If they say: “Why can’t they just get over it?”
Respond wth: “In addition to the numerous ways indigenous people are oppressed, 86% of native women say they suffer from ‘historical trauma’ — trauma that gets passed down from generation to generation. This often manifests as ‘cycles of abuse’

If they say: “This is sad, but I’m really focused on women’s issues right now.”
Respond with: “Feminists also need fight for native women. 94% of native women living in urban environments have been raped or coerced into sex. Native cisgender women are paid an average of 58 cents to every dollar a white man makes. And the murder rate for native women is 10x higher than any other race. Native issues are feminist issues, period.”

Racism

Entry Point: Megyn Kelly

If they say: “Is blackface really *that* bad?”
Respond with: “Yes. Blackface is rooted in a long history of racism that portrays black people incredibly negatively. In America, origins can be traced back to minstrel shows, where white performers were paid to don blackface and ridicule black people. Today, black people are forced to live with the racist repercussions of these performances.”

If they say: “Blackface is a thing of the past. No one actually does it anymore.”
Respond with: “I wish that were true, but it’s not. Just this month, it was discovered that many influencers on social media were making themselves ‘darker’ to get more endorsements and likes. That means they were able to use the appearance of being black to actively steal business from black influencers, while not having to experience any of the racial oppression black people face on a daily basis.”

If they say: “At least Megyn Kelly only talked about blackface — [Jimmy Fallon/Sarah Silverman/another problematic celebrity] actually DID blackface.”
Respond with: “Yep, and it absolutely wasn’t okay when they did it either. I am equally outraged by these incidents. Racism does not stop at party lines — thank you for reminding me to do a better job of holding left-leaning public figures accountable.”

Entry Point: Football/Colin Kapernick

If they say: “All lives matter.”
Respond with: “Like, duh. Of course every life matters. But we’re only talking about black lives right now. Rachel Cargle says it best: ‘If you are a white person, recognize that you are represented by the majority at almost all times. Imagine how minority and marginalized groups feel when they are not represented, and when their needs aren’t considered in the major decision, conversations, and actions taken in this country. Then remember that this exclusion happens CONSTANTLY. The next time you want to toss the word ‘all’ onto something looking to serve the needs of a marginalized group, recognize that you aren’t actually asking for inclusivity. You’re demanding to be centered, yet again.’”

If they say: “But I just want to watch the game.”
Respond with: “You are saying you care more about football than the fact that black people are dying every day. This is not an issue that stops just because the game is on. If black people have to face these threats on a daily basis, letting them protest it is absolutely the least you can do.”

  • More info: Find countless incidents of racialized violence by following @shaunking

Entry Point: Privilege, Systemic Racism

If they say: “I’m not racist.”
Respond with: “You don’t have to actively hate and antagonize people to be racist. You simply have to be complicit in a system of white supremacy and not actively trying to dismantle it. Again, to quote Rachel Cargle: ‘Every person with white skin experiences societal privilege over black people. From the beginning, this country was structured to benefit white people and oppress people of color. And though you weren’t part of the creation of that racist society, you are indeed benefitting from it today. That means that unless you are actively working to dismantle it, you’re part of the problem.’”

If they say: “I don’t see color.”
Respond with: “That is very optimistic of you. But in today’s society, many people are oppressed simply based on the color of their skin. If we don’t acknowledge that race is a reality of the world we live in, we overlook the root cause of many of these issues, which means we keep ourselves further away from being able to solve them. Asking you to acknowledge race does not mean we are asking you to discriminate against black people. It does not mean we are asking you to say that being black is a bad thing. It means we are asking you to recognize the black experience as a valid one, and admit race-based oppression exists so we can start dismantling it.”

If they say: “I’m white, but I didn’t experience white privilege.”
Respond with: “Yes, you did. White privilege doesn’t mean your life wasn’t hard as a white person — it just means your life wasn’t hard because you’re a white person. People of color experience oppression based only on the color of their skin. If you do not constantly have to acknowledge your whiteness within the world you navigate through, that in itself is a privilege.”

If they say: “I’m sick of P.C. culture. Whatever happened to free speech?”
Respond with: “You may be sick of being ‘politically correct,’ but many marginalized people are sick of white people doing things that contribute to their further marginalization. While it may feel like you are being ‘censored,’ you are actually just being respectful (and, as a white person, are probably not used to being told what to do). Being ‘politically correct’ is often a small step toward dismantling stigma and fighting back against white supremacist patriarchy. It should be seen as a good thing, not a war on free speech.”

  • More info: Watch the Vox Explainer on “Political Correctness” on Netflix

If they say: “I want to help dismantle racism. What can I do?”
Respond with: “That’s great, and I’m glad you asked. Recognize that this is a lifelong fight — you may feel exhausted, but remember that people of color have been feeling this way for a long time and have been forced to fight in spite of it. Focus on educating yourself and others — the more you learn, the more you will discover positive ways to affect change. And of course, use your privilege to dismantle the spaces you inhabit. Next time you’re in a room with all white people, ask why there are no black people in the room, and what next steps would be to change that.”

Sexual Assault

ENTRY POINTS: Kavanaugh, #MeToo

If they say: “Why didn’t she come forward earlier?”
Respond with: “There are a number of reasons that sexual assault survivors don’t come forward. Often, survivors are put on trial instead of the person they are accusing. Often, there is also a power dynamic at play that inhibits the victim from coming forward without penalty. Often, it is hard for victims to put the proper words to their experiences — even RAINN says survivors often call the hotline, describe a rape, then ask, ‘Was I raped?’ But just because they cannot perfectly diagnose their own trauma does not mean they did not experience it.”

If they say: “We can’t just believe everyone who says they were sexually assaulted.”
Respond with: “Statistically, we would be more correct if we did. According to the BBC, less than 10% of reported sexual assault claims are false. False rape accusations almost never lead to jail time. Also, I just want to make it clear that I too firmly disagree with anyone who chooses to lie about being sexually assaulted — anyone who does that is jeopardizing the safety and authenticity of all survivors.”

If they say: “Why is a grown man being blamed for something that happened in high school!”
Respond with: “What kind of message does that argument send to sexual assault victims who are still in high school? You are telling high schoolers that their experiences in the present don’t matter — all of this while Kavanaugh himself has a 14-year-old daughter.”

If they say: “This was all a ploy by the Democrats.”
Respond with: “It absolutely was not. Take the Democrat abusers down too — they will not be missed.”

Immigration

Entry Point: The “Migrant Caravan,” Birthright Citizenship, Thanksgiving

If they say: “They’re stealing our jobs.”
Respond with: “This is actually a common misconception. Immigrants tend to head toward growing cities, and they typically increase the supply and demand sides of the economy once they are there, which expands employment opportunities for everyone. When Miami’s population increased by 7% in 42 days due to immigration, net wages actually went down for people with a college degree.”

If they say: “They will take advantage of handouts and the welfare state!”
Respond with: “Most legal immigrants don’t get access to welfare benefits within the first five years of living in the U.S., and most illegal immigrants never get access to any welfare benefits besides emergency Medicaid. According to the Cato Institute, ‘Immigrants also make large net contributions to Medicare and Social Security, the largest portions of the welfare state, because of their ages, ineligibility, and their greater likelihood of retiring in other countries.’”

If they say: “They’re terrorists and criminals.”
Respond with: “Statistically most mass shooters are American-born white men. The person who sent bombs to numerous Democratic officials was an American-born white man. Almost 99 percent of the people killed by foreign-born terrorists on U.S. soil were killed on 9/11. Those 9/11 attackers entered on tourist visas (one student visa), not immigrant visas.”

They’ll say: “They’re walking right in.”
Respond with: “Actually, it’s very difficult to emigrate to the US. It’s confusing, paperwork heavy, and subjective — it’s even hard for immigrants to know how long a visa will take. We already have so many different types of walls up. Now we need to build ourselves a mirror.”

Trans Rights

Entry Points: Victoria’s Secret, Bathrooms, #TransAwarenessMonth, Trans Day Of Remembrance

If they say: “Why do you want to put men in the women’s bathroom?”
Respond with: “Trans women are not men. Trans women are women. It is that simple.”

If they say: “I’m a woman.”
Respond with: “Good for you. Since you were assigned the female gender at birth and you identify with it, you are a ‘cisgender’ person. In our society, being cisgender is a privilege. It means people don’t question your gender identity.”

If they say: “Why would anyone choose to be a different gender?”
Respond with: “Being transgender is not a choice. When someone is transitioning, they are not ‘choosing’ to be different — they are starting to live with the gender identity society has told them they shouldn’t have.”

If they say: “I just don’t want to pay for their medical costs.”
Respond with: “Well, as we don’t have universal healthcare, the only trans people whose costs you would pay for are trans people in the military. The cost of supporting trans people in the military is 8.4 million out of a $50 billion budget. That’s about .017%. If you are concerned with costs, there are plenty of other places we should look at cutting first.”

If they say: “Why do I have to use the right pronoun?”
Respond with: “Using the correct pronoun costs you literally nothing, while using the wrong one can have a dramatically negative effect on a person’s life. 41% of the trans population in the U.S. has attempted suicide, and this number dramatically decreases when trans people have supportive families and communities. Intentionally misgendering someone is an act of violence. Calling someone the correct pronoun is literally the least you can do.”

If they say: “Trans women aren’t women.”
Respond with: “Ask yourself what constitutes ‘womanhood.’ If that definition of womanhood has to do with a vagina, ask yourself why that is. From the moment we are born, doctors tell us we are one of two things: male or female. From then on, we are hit with a series of ‘tropes’ that we ascribe to each gender. Gender is a social construct, and yes, this is a complex discussion. We will likely not finish it at the table today.”

If they say: “This isn’t really an issue.”
Respond with: “Trans Day of Remembrance happened this week, and we honored the 23 trans people who have been murdered in 2018 as a result of being who they are. Again, this is only what was reported. 41% of trans people have experienced a hate crime because of their gender identity in the past 12 months.”

Gun Control

Entry Point: Literally any one of the mass shootings that have happened in 2018

If they say: “Are you proposing we go into every person’s home and take their guns?”
Respond with: “That sounds physically impossible, as well as unproductive. What we are proposing is common sense gun reform on new gun purchases.”

If they say: “I heard you liberals are proposing a ban on ALL guns used or possessed by ANYONE.”
You’ll say: “No — or not right now, at least. We are proposing common sense gun reform regulations on new gun purchases and new firearm manufacturers.”

If they say: “Ok, I’ll hear you out…what’s kind of gun reform do you want?”
Respond with: “To be a bit reductive, we want enforcement of existing laws as well as background checks. Right now, in some states it’s easier to buy an AK-15 gun than it is to buy Sudafed. When our forefathers wrote the Second Amendment, this type of assault rifle did not exist.”

If they say: “We should just arm teachers.”
Respond with: “And rabbis, and movie theater clerks, and priests, and bartenders? Aside from the problem of solving violence with violence, solving it by mass firearm distribution & training is simply unrealistic. Besides, arming people is not a guaranteed way to stop a mass shooter (there were plenty of armed people in Las Vegas). Arming teachers would take funding away from other school programs and needs (like heating classrooms during winter). Additionally, arming black teachers could pose a threat to their own safety — Philando Castile had a legal firearm and was still shot by police during a roadside stop.”

If they say: “We need to stop immigration so we stop violence.”
Respond with: “The single most common factor in mass shootings is gender — most mass shootings are committed by men. The second most common factor is race — most of the men who commit mass shootings are white. Rather than use mass shootings as an excuse to crack down on immigration, we should use it as an excuse to crack down on the toxic standards of masculinity that encourage violence among young boys. We should also fight to dismantle white supremacy, as it makes us try to deflect blame on other cultures instead of using a mirror to look at ourselves.”

If they say: “Those Parkland kids are really inspiring.”
Respond with: “They are doing great work with their platform, but do not forget that they found their platform after having their friends killed. Common sense gun reform would have prevented this senseless mass murder, and would have prevented the need for their platform in the first place.”

I know I didn’t touch on everything, so here’s a few other articles to consult:

Thank you for reading. Now get out there and start some shit!

BlackLivesMatter
Thanksgiving
Racism
Liberal
Democrat

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Jen Winston

Written by Jen Winston

269 Followers

Writer, speaker, unlearner. @jenerous on IG

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