so there’s a brokenness to our coming together

and maybe this is what it feels like

to be a million tiny pieces of the same fabric interwoven into each other

into a wire frame basket that’s always half empty

or maybe half full of promises we wanted to keep

but didn’t have the stomach for

so I guess I am still trying to find the words to tell you I understand why we could not hold each other

which is to say that maybe two broken glasses do not deserve the same mantle

but they do hurt others the same way

so I’m sorry for being so good at holding all of your hurt

because it meant I could leave my own unattended to

like a parking meter too low on minutes

we were running out of time the first moment we met

so this has always been a race to meet you somewhere

maybe running by your side was my favorite way to feel my own heart racing

but this is the part of the story where I remind myself

i’m the only one still writing about it

which is to say

did you ever look at me in the tender of my eyes and think I was the kind of girl you wanted to take home with you

like a Chinese take out box

you could have unfolded me into a star

and I would thank you for creasing out all the bad thoughts

just long enough for me to recognize I was holding onto the idea of us much longer than I ever held your hand

so let this be a lesson to you in loving ghosts

they may always understand you and the shadows you call bedfellows

but they may leave you just as swiftly as you conjured them up

just as quickly as the petal touches pavement

in a handful of flowers you think she still remembers

i’m not waiting for you to come back

i’m waiting for me to wake up

from this dream state of living where you did me no wrong

apologies for the false starts in this attempt to move on

i still believe we could have made something beautiful

out of all the bruising and breathless longing

but I’m not good at waiting for you anymore

so maybe one day when I lock eyes with you in the heat of being strangers

i will have enough muscle around my heart to tell you we loved each other the only way we knew how

by letting each other go

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