Things Are Not What They Seem

Something that I’ve learned recently is that things are not always what they seem.

For instance, when a mime does that thing where they build invisible walls around themselves, it is not always for the sake of a silly party trick. Sometimes it’s because they’ve been hurt before.

You might think that an earthquake is the result of the Earth’s tectonic plates straining against each other. But actually, it’s because the Earth is a recovering drunk and it takes time.

If you’re on the high seas and you run into a pirate that’s wearing a classic black eye patch, it isn’t always because they lost their eye in some cool pirate fight over treasure. Sometimes it’s just because they wanted to fit in for once.

Say that you’re in your home and the lights suddenly start flickering and smoke billows around you and you hear the sound “Wooo”. You might immediately think it’s a vengeful ghost trying to scare you. But sometimes it’s just a floundering ghost who’s desperately trying to get the party going because he’s never thrown a party before and hosting is making him self-conscious. And he’s walking around every five minutes asking everyone if they’re having fun. Like, you can tell when people are having fun.

When you see an apple falling from a tree, you would think it’s because of gravity. But actually, it’s because it got voted off the tree in a rigged election.

If you see a man switching babies at the hospital, it’s not always for nefarious purposes. Sometimes it’s just because he wants to help those babies build character and resilience early on. Give them an interesting backstory. So really, he’s doing those babies a favor in the long run.

Say you walk into your bank and you find that a man wearing a ski mask is arguing with the security guard there. You might assume that he’s trying to rob the bank and the security guard is trying to stop him. But really, the man with the ski mask is simply just trying to explain to the guard that he got his dates mixed up and he meant to rob the bank for the month after.

If a dog wags its tail at you, you might think “Wow that dog likes me.” But actually it’s just because the dog’s tail is broken and the dog needs to go in for a maintenance check. Also, the dog is a robot dog and the year is 2078 and there are more dogs than people now.

You might be perusing around town and find your best friend and your significant other kissing in a bodega and assume that they’re cheating on you. But really, it’s two actors wearing wigs to make themselves look exactly like your best friend and significant other and it’s all just a sick game to everyone isn’t it?

When you see a jeweler dangling a gorgeous necklace in front of a customer, you might surmise that it’s a sales tactic. But really, the jeweler is a struggling magician who’s practicing hypnosis any chance he can get.

If you see a bunch of cops chasing a dodge down the highway, you might think it’s a high speed car chase. But sometimes, it’s just because the dodge is playing hard to get. And it’s workingggg.

If a big fly is just buzzing around your apartment for ages and it won’t leave, even when you politely open the window and scream at them to “Leave, get out!”, you might think that fly certainly has a death wish. But actually, it’s just because that fly grew up in Paris and only moved to the U.S. a year ago and so his English isn’t great and there’s actually a significant language barrier here. And he’s doing his best but screaming in French culture is a sign of endearment.

Say you return home to your apartment one day and you find yourself locked out. You might think that it has something to do with the fact that you didn’t pay rent and asked for an extension for five months and then just still didn’t pay rent. And your landlord kept texting you and calling you to get you to pay your rent but they didn’t get it because you couldn’t and also you didn’t want to. And actually, in this particular situation, that is exactly what is happening.

I guess some things are what they seem.