The Black Sheep

“My friends who turned 18 years old already driving Honda, Toyota and i only have Proton. Whenever my car gets toll away or got into an accident you told me to deal with it myself with my RM1200 salary a month, how am i to survive? I told the guy when i hit his car that i am sorry is there other way where we can settle this besides going to the police station and he didn’t give me face and still insisted to go to the police station and now a teenage girl whose driving a new Proton car hits your car and your letting her go?”

“Son, you have a very sinful heart, you need to go to church”

“Church? look at yourself first before you tell me to go church,a bankruptcy now making homemade soaps that is going nowhere and making guitars now giving free, who am i to look up on you as my dad when you taught me nothing in life”

“Eh, Gerald, you better shut up or else leave this house! I cook for you and clean the house, be more appreciative!”

“Mum, You do not cook everyday, you only cook twice a week and extra leftovers for dinner you save it for lunch the next day or never leave me some food just because you assumed im not coming back for dinner”

“You idiot, fucker, such a burden in this family!You Get out now! “

Parents, what is it like to have parents? People telling me stories that they love their mother or father or both, stories and documentaries I see people killing their parents. I honestly do not know how to feel and what to feel with my parents. Whatever interesting facts I read in the internet, its all bullshit for them.

“Dad do you know old testament and new testament is very different from one another?”

“Son, don’t read all these in the internet is not true”

2 months later after his baptism.

“Wa, son do you know the old testament and new testament is different?”

“Dad, didn’t I told you about this last time?”

Birthdays? What is like to have the best birthday party of your life, perhaps a sweet 16 or a sweet 21, I guess not. Since young I never had a birthday party even when we are rich. I was locked in my room doing 100 maths questions before I could eat my dinner and a late night wished from my mother, that’s all. This is why I do not fancy birthdays or any of friends wanting to do a surprise party for me or my girlfriend wanting to celebrate with me, birthday means nothing to me, nothing to expect, nothing to wish for.

It’s very rare to get the family together to eat together, whenever there is a reunion I will get scolded for taking too much dishes and not sharing with others, bare in mind the ladle wasn’t even full. I will get scolded in taking too long just to find the chicken parts I wanted to eat. While my siblings could on the air cond almost whole day and I did too, as the electric bills come, I get blame for it.

What is like to have a kitchen where you can cook and bake? I am not even allowed to cook as my mother thinks I will burn the whole kitchen down. How am I to improve my cooking skill when I cannot even cook at home? Even I get scolded for heating up instant noodle in the middle of the night “I have some leftovers in the fridge, why you eat this!”, “Carry properly!”, “Why you put the soup until so full! Later the noodle no taste!” I GET IT! Just go shut up and sleep! I love my soupy instant noodles. There was this one time where I cook egg at home when nobody was around as I was hungry and properly placed the stove back and cleaned up and what I had was “WHY YOU COOK?!”

People has different taste buds and certain food my mum cooks especially spicy food I will not eat, For instance my mother cooked curry chicken and that was the only dishes on the table with rice and it spoilt my appetite I didn’t want to eat. “WHY YOU DON’T APPRECIATE PEOPLE COOK FOR YOU!” The truth is that is not that I do not appreciate its curry and it’s spicy! She didn’t understand even when i explained to her. “Don’t always finish the soft drinks in the fridge! Let your siblings drinks too!”, I replied “Tell them to leave me a slice of pizza and pepsi next time then”

People can never understand, mothers do not clean the house every day from 11am to 9pm, it feels its my mother’s full time job from Monday to Sunday, complaining my sister’s hair is dropping, the house is so dirty, cleaning the bed, spring cleaning almost everyday, opening my drawers and tidying up my books, moving furniture’s and many more. Bare in mind, the house does not even have good ventilation as the windows and back door are always close tightly. Do not get me started with clothes, people do not wash jeans every single day, jeans are really not meant to be washed. “ Why you do not want to wash your jeans! Left it hanging there for 2 days! GO WASH IT!” HELL NO, MA. ITS FREAKIN’ JEANS!

Whenever I get sick instead of getting treated or taken care of by my “caring” parents, I had this, “THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOUR VAPE THAT MADE YOU SICK”, “THIS IS BECAUSE YOU SLEEP LATE AT NIGHT”, “THIS IS BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T DRINK ENOUGH WATER”, “GO SEE DOCTOR YOURSELF”. This not only occur during sickness but also car accident “Dad, my car got tolled away”, “Son, this is your problem, solve it yourself”. Very well dad, with only RM50 in my pocket that you gave me to last for a week. Thanks.

I always knew I was the black sheep of the family, just because I am a drop out and I didn’t pursue into professional studies, instead I went and enrolled myself into casting and acted in movies and dramas. My parents thinks it’s a waste of time and that I will never earn more money than professionals. From that day, I knew I was different and that I want to be different but looking down at me is not going to solved the matter, today I’m working in a company that does viral videos and my boss is an important person and his family is involved in the government. I’m bless to have people like my boss admiring my passion and work in acting. I am who I am today because of how much I have been an independent person and without the care of my parents, I learned from experience. Once again, if people asked if I should appreciate my family, my answer is NEVER because they were NEVER there for me and if people asked if I should forget the past, I would say NEVER, because my childhood was broken.

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