Folsom House Rules : A Guide to Living With 3 Boys

Jennifer Folsom
Jan 12, 2016 · 2 min read

As it turns out, three IS the magic number when it comes to the chaos created in a house of boys. As a mother to nearly 14- year-old twins and an 8-year-old Little Prince, things come out of my mouth every day that I can’t believe I actually have to say. Many years ago we began to jot them down on a list on the fridge and the Folsom House Rules were born.

You’ll notice a few themes here: personal safety, hygiene and penises. When sharing the Folsom House Rules, I don’t get the same reaction from friends with one boy. There’s usually some nodding in agreement from moms of two boys but all moms of three (or more!) boys just gently nod their heads and say “yep, I feel ya sister.” Mothers of girls? The response is outright horror.

The level of testosterone, energy and destruction is something to behold. Every single day I remind myself that I will miss the joyful noise when they’re gone, but until then, a few rules to live by:

  1. No hands in your pants when you’re talking to mom.
  2. No wrestling with crutches. Or a cast. Or a boot.
  3. If it touches your junk, don’t put it where you eat.
  4. You can dance, but you have to keep your pants on (Credit: Almeida)
  5. No cereal in your pockets.
  6. Please keep grenades out of the kitchen.
  7. In the shower, only touch your own penis.
  8. No peeing off the deck or in the driveway.
  9. No naked face time.
  10. Don’t say “I’m hungry” with food in your mouth.
  11. No safety cones on the dinner table.
  12. No shooters in your bedroom.
  13. When you find explosives, bring them to Dad.
  14. No tooting in Mom and Dad’s tent.
  15. Don’t pee in the bathroom trash can.
  16. No biking in a hurricane (Sandy)
  17. Keep the slap band bracelets off your neck and penis. And your brother’s penis.
  18. Don’t pogo stick near the fire pit.
  19. No eating when you’re on the phone.
  20. Don’t put grapes up your nose or in your eyes.
  21. No dancing in an open sunroof while the car is moving.
  22. It’s a headlamp, not a penislamp.
  23. No boomerangs in the house.
  24. It’s “yes ma’am” not “gotcha dog.”
  25. No naked Friday Night Movie Night.
  26. One child at a time on the pull up bar.
  27. Don’t leave whiskey, wine, liquor or “any of that stuff” in the bathroom.
  28. Big brothers, lead by example.
  29. No roughhousing with toothpicks.
  30. No computers where butts and feet go.
  31. No teaching little brother to curse in other languages.
  32. No crop-dusting in roller coaster lines (Hershey Park).
  33. Once it goes in your mouth, it doesn’t come back out.
  34. No dirty socks on the kitchen counter.
  35. No loose candy lying around
  36. Don’t jump off the stairs from more than 3 stairs up.
  37. No peeing off the deck from INSIDE the house.

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Jennifer Folsom

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Corporate leader and mother of 3 boys. Jennifer loves her work but knows that living your whole best life is the ultimate key to success.