What You Say to Yourself
You talk to yourself all the time. Sometimes, you a little salty, my friend.
Much of the time, we just let thoughts sail right into the truth pile without, well, a second thought.
But we can grab them.
Hold them up for a mini inspection.
And then choose to change the thought.
In my faith, we call it taking every thought captive. In science, it’s called creating new neural pathways.
Each Enneagram type has thoughts that aren’t always helpful in times of stress and conflict. And you can replace those notions with better ideas that bring peace to your life.
What You Might Think and What to Try Instead for Each Enneagram Type
The Body Center of Intelligence
What Eights Might Think:
✹I will manage this scene so I am not controlled.
✹Why can’t people just be strong too?
✹I am always a warrior. I never show weakness.
✹My anger is a way to power.
✹I just go with my gut.
✹It’s right, or it’s wrong. And my opinion is right.
✹This is unjust, and I will fix it.
Eights Can Try Instead:
✹Vulnerability is strong.
✹I can assume people are doing the best they can.
✹My opinion is not the only way.
✹I can learn the power of self-restraint.
✹I can express my needs and not be betrayed.
What Nines Might Think:
✹Conflict is a threat because I could lose the relationship.I can outlast this by not committing.
✹It’s too many decisions to make, so I won’t make any.
✹I’ll just along to keep things peaceful, even though it’s not what I want.
✹I hate it when people ignore me.
Nines Can Try Instead:
✹Conflict is a part of healthy relationships.
✹If I avoid conflict, it usually creates more conflict.
✹I can make the next right action.
✹I can ask myself what I think and be honest when others ask me.
✹I can speak up when I feel ignored.
What Ones Might Think:
✹This is not correct.
✹We should just follow the rules.
✹I had the perfect plan. Ugh, why do people ruin it?
✹This is the right way.
✹My anger is not appropriate.
✹This inner critic in my mind is right.
Ones Can Try Instead:
✹I am a good person.
✹This doesn’t work for me, but it might be ok for others.
✹Are there other ways to do this?
✹I can express my anger in healthy ways.
✹Are there questions I’m not asking?
✹I don’t have to believe my inner critic.
What Twos Might Think:
✹I can not be needy, or people won’t love me.
✹If I compliment this person, they will like me.
✹My good intentions to help others are enough.
✹I can make it so everyone feels good.
✹Look at what I did for you? Why can’t you be grateful.
Twos Can Try Instead:
✹I am appreciated and seen, even when I’m not helping.
✹I don’t have to jump in and solve others’ problems.
✹Boundaries are healthy for me, even when other people don’t like them.
✹It’s okay for me to take time to meet my own needs.
✹It’s okay that not everyone feels good about the decision.
What Threes Might Think:
✹Champions survive. I will win.
✹Shortcuts are available everywhere.
✹I can spin this so I don’t look bad.
✹Why am I the only one who is capable?
✹I need to hide my mistakes.
✹Why can’t other people do their work?
Threes Can Try Instead:
✹I am valued outside of my accomplishments.
✹I can admit my mistakes.
✹It’s ok that others work differently than I do.
✹Life will not fall apart if I relax.
✹I can feel my emotions.
What Fours Might Think:
✹I will never have what they have.
✹This conflict is because I am deeply flawed.
✹If I continually express my emotions, I’m being authentic.
✹If they don’t agree with me, they are abandoning me.
✹If I push them away, then they’ll come after me.
Fours Can Try Instead:
✹I am special and have something to offer.
✹I can stay engaged. I don’t need to play hard-to-get.
✹I can ask for what I need. People can’t read my mind.
✹I can embrace equanimity and still be authentic.
What Fives Might Think:
✹I do not have enough energy for this.
✹Knowledge is power. I need more information.
✹I cannot be emotional here. I must look at facts.
✹My needs are not important here.
Fives Can Try Instead:
✹I am ok to have needs.I do have the energy for this.
✹I need to ask for space, then reengage.
✹I can let my emotions to be a part of decisions.
✹There will always be more information. I can make a choice with what I have now.
What Sixes Might Think:
✹I have to ask all the questions I have, or we won’t be prepared.
✹I don’t make good decisions.
✹I’m anxious, so I must stop until I’m not anxious.
✹Why aren’t others upset about this?
Sixes Can Try Instead:
✹I am capable to make good decisions.
✹I can be afraid and still move forward.
✹I can ask the most important questions, and still keep some questions to myself.
✹I can be open to possibilities and troubleshooting.
What Sevens Might Think:
✹I will be trapped in this negativity forever.
✹“Well, at least…”
✹I have to get out of this disagreement.
✹I’ve got me. Can’t you take care of you?
✹Details and negativity are for other people, not me.
✹Who made you the boss of me?
✹We’re done now, right?
Sevens Can Try Instead:
✹I can slow down and be okay with silence while others process.
✹If I handle this well, it’s not limiting, it’s the path to more opportunities.
✹I can stay present. I can name my negative emotions. They doesn’t last for forever.
✹It’s ok that others question your vision.
✹I can be open to troubleshooting as much as possibilities.
If you don’t know your type, which one seems the most like your internal dialogue?
What are some of your thoughts you have to catch and change before they cause damage?
Bookmark this post to come back to when you’re having a poor self-talk day. We easily drift toward the negative until we create those new neural pathways.
Drop a comment with your type and your thoughts. I believe you can change your thoughts. I believe in you.
And clap if this helped you!
Jenn helps leaders gain practical communication, conflict resolution, and leadership skills so they can effectively serve their teams and do good work in the world. Jenn is a speaker, writer, coach, and all-around joy-bringer who works with conflict resolution communication, and leadership self-awareness through the Enneagram.
Currently, Jenn is offering a three-session group Enneagram coaching. Visit jennwhitmer.com/groupcoaching for details.
Find more resources and booking information at jennwhitmer.com. #conflictisopportunity
