Denise, an honest question: How do you feel about the “not all men” argument when discussing sexual violence issues?
Can you see how what you’re saying here is basically a “not all white women” assertion? Of /course/ “not all white women” (and of course “not all men”) — but there’s a point where you have to protect yourself and work within the statistical reality in which you live.
Perhaps another analogy.
Not all sharks attack humans, but we are cautious about them — and if we want to avoid being bitten by sharks, the easiest way to do so is to avoid all sharks.
And to answer a reply-question you posed below: Yes, it is unreasonable for you to require emotional labor from another person, when they decide the net gains of their labors are negative.