Barb Fan Fiction

JUSTICE

Here is my version of what would’ve happened if Steve went for Barb over Nancy.

Steve gently whispered in Barb’s ear, “Does the carpet match the upholstery?” Barb knew he butchered the saying, but her inner yearning for him trumped her yearning to remain the school’s resident know-it-all.

Barb hesitantly reached up to brush Steve’s 80s boyband hair out of his face. Steve returned the favor, brushing Barb’s 80s boyband hair out of her face as well. He began to hum “Mr. Roboto”, believing her intelligent side would really appreciate a bit of Science Seduction.

He believed right. Barb was intrigued. She slid her Nancy Drew novels off the bed. Steve noticed her literacy selections. He crooned, “Can I help you solve the mystery of the female clit?”

Barb was impressed. She thought, “Was this love? Is he only using my body because he thinks I’ll help him finish his molecular biology homework? Wait, why is he taking molecular biology if he’s only in high school? That seems to be a college course.”

The two began to go at it, albeit awkwardly. However, mid-coitus, a large flower creature popped through the wall and contemplated the possibility of a threesome. After seeing the unfortunate entanglement of the two, he quickly decided against it, made some gargling sounds, then tenderly ate them both.

Days passed. Many missing posters were erected in Steve’s honor, just as he was moderately erected days prior. However, there were barely any in Barb’s honor.

This is why, to this day, we still crusade for only Barb’s Justice. But not her sexual justice. That was kind of sort of served here today.