With Programmers: Working With New People, Side by Side

original post date from old blog: March 17, 2021

Photo by Mikael Blomkvist: https://www.pexels.com/photo/team-having-a-meeting-6476254/

Starting this week, I will be working with a team. A group of people with a different language: coding.

I have been working with them since late February or early March, but we only see each other from time to time until it became a once a week meeting until it came to working with them face-to-face for three days straight.

Five years ago, I imagined myself working with a team like them. Having a group of programmers for all programming needs: websites, applications, new software, etc. etc. I saw myself in a crowd, asking for ideas, feedback, and a big white board full of sticky notes, markers, and daily mini meetings as necessary. I saw myself treating them to lunch once in a while or after-work drinks, to celebrate little accomplishments. I saw myself, not knowing anything much about their language, but connecting with them nonetheless. Of course, it did not happen because I know no one, and I am alone in this journey of creating websites for myself, telling myself over and over again that I will hire some people for my website but to no avail. Why? Because I do not have the confidence that I will make it–be successful and such.

Four months ago, “something new is coming” my supervisor said. We were tasked to do some content without asking any questions whatsoever. And just like before, we did what we were told to do. When we first met with the programmers, I was excited. Collaborating with another team is indeed something new, but “collaboration” was in a different dimension. We were the ones deciding and they were just following. It was not what I imagined it to be. Then I suddenly thought that it would be nice to work with them hand-in-hand. To see actual changes made, to see how they work, to bond with them more, get to know them and how they do their thing. Not to exploit them of their ways, but to actually connect with them and know what their say in the project is. Yes, I am allowed to day dream, no?

Then…BOOM!

The boss said we have to work side by side, face to face, for three days in a row every week. Stunned and overwhelmed as I was, I stared at my computer and their voices faded. I was still in the meeting about it and I was already spacing out. Shoot!

Now I am starting to doubt myself. Can I really do this? Am I really capable of something like this? Why am I in this kind of situation again? It was one of the wishes that came true and now I am scared to death. “Don’t turn cold feet now, J” I repeatedly told myself. I have to slap myself and wake up and face this.

I have to set some goals and plans and lay out everything that I know would be good. And I have to be myself for this. I have to set aside my fear of being judged and of failing and of being rejected. Yes, I am not that good with rejections, but I am learning little by little. Whew.

Welp, good luck to all of us who will be having a tough Monday and an uncertain week. Nevertheless, I hope we all enjoy and have a blast! See ya around!!!~

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warning: little and dangerous. 👄🍷 writing wildly and laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

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J E N N A.

J E N N A.

warning: little and dangerous. 👄🍷 writing wildly and laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

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