Mr ‘Mysterious’ and BDSM

He’s the kind of guy that you inherently don’t trust. He hardly ever calls, he always texts. I never been to his house, he says he prefers mine because he has house mates and I’ve got my own place. He’ll drop of the radar for hours or even days and he’ll say he’s been away with work or didn’t have any battery or signal. He’ll say he’s borrowing his friends car and that’s why he has a child’s seat in it. He says that he’s not looking for commitment because he hasn’t got time. He’s never seen me on a Saturday always having an excuse. He’s only spent the night with me twice and tells me it’s just because he likes things how they are between us. Everything says run a mile, he’s probably married with kids and just wants something to satisfy his boredom.

I never met him looking for a relationship though.

I met him 14 months ago on a kink friendly social network and first he just seemed like another pervvy guy but something about him made me curious. I was looking for a long term kink partner not someone that would disappear after a few weeks. He said that he had had that relationship before and even though I didn’t expect it to last I met up with him. There were things about him that were cute but it wasn’t an instant attraction. We had a drink and walked and talked for ages. We both liked to switch which enticed me. The few kisses we shared were hot and he purposely left me longing and we agreed we would met the next week.

He barely spanked me or challenged me that first time. He fed me chocolate buttons and called me a good girl as I followed his instructions to get into certain positions.

Even though he was arrogant saying he always made girls cum and that he knew he had a large manhood, then sex wasn’t that great. I mean it was fine but in 14 months he only got close to making me cum once and the fact that I got that close made him instantly cum and leave me frustrated. I wasn’t in it for the sex though, I was in it for thing I wouldn’t get elsewhere, ‘the kink’.

The first couple of months got intense, we were always messaging and we saw each other for a weekly session, alternating the weeks we ‘topped’. When we weren’t together we’d set each other tasks, some to get to know each other, some to test our pain thresholds or some to test who well we followed instructions. Sometimes they were humiliating, sometimes they were naughty and sometimes they were nice. There was always rewards or punishments that followed though. When met up we aimed to challenge each other and each other’s servitude. We’d spank and whip each other. We’d worship and kiss and lick each other. We’d tease each other and make each other beg. He made me nervous and the anticipation before his touch excited me. We’d have sex and then just hug and kiss and chat. He always made me feel safe.

It was exactly what I set out looking for but I started wanting more. He always said no of course. He said he liked this the way they were and that was the only thing he was looking for.

I closed offed and try to push him away, but he didn’t go. He told me that ‘I was his’ and ‘he was mine’ and he waited for me to come back to him. I resided myself to the fact that he would never be mine, not how I wanted him anyway. I wanted everything.

He baited me one day and said I could either have a relationship with him but the kink would stop or things could carry on how they were. I knew the first option wasn’t really being offered and I chose things to carry on how they were. He said if I was looking for a relationship to go and find on but it wouldn’t be with him. He said that if we were together he’d never trust were I was. He didn’t see that I’d always be where ever he wanted me to be. He didn’t see what I would do for him. I found a boyfriend which at first started to make him clingy but he said he was fine with it as long as things carried on the way they were between us. So they did.

He constantly occupied my mind even when I was with my boyfriend. The way I felt was that I was his but my boyfriend kept me company when he wasn’t there. I was lonely before and was alway left wishing that he would just let me know that I was his.

Things settled into a routine and I accepted that he was part of my life. I thought that he would always be there.

He was always calling me ‘beautiful’ and he always gave me attention. Somehow with all off that I got confused. I wanted him more than ever but knew that wasn’t what he wanted so I just waited letting things carry on as they were.

14 months it went on. Until he dropped me with a text and left me feeling like my life had turned upside down. He left me to be in a relationship with a vanilla girl. He left me for something he always said he didn’t want. He left me feeling it was just me he didn’t want, that I wasn’t good enough and that I was only a toy.

He said we could just see each other and that she didn’t need to know. He said this was the same as when I was seeing someone but things have change. I never lied to him about what I wanted. Once again I’ve been left feeling like there’s no trust with anyone but I guess the signs were there.

I should be glad that he’s out my life but I was so laid bare with him, I would trust him with my life and I still crave him. His touch, his taste, his everything.

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