Unrequited Love

Love is best defined by an intense feeling of deep affection… I had this.

This is the kind of love you literally lose sleep over trying to spend time together. The kind of love that turns mundane tasks into adventures. The kind of love that has you running to wifi when your traveling. The kind of love that when your together everything else fades away… This is the greatest love I’ve known…

This is not your fairytayle romance story where everyone lives happily ever after. This is about unrequited love, the worst kind.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by it’s sheer power to alter and define our lives. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. It’s called unrequited love. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? The love stories that don’t end with a happily ever after. What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. The past year in a half that I have been in love have been some of the darkest days of my life. All because I’ve been cursed by being in love with a man who will not love me back.

Unrequited love or one-sided love is defined by a love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer’s deep and strong romantic affection, or may consciously reject it

In the past year we went back and forth and everytime it ended I was left feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. I struggled to find grace, forgiveness and peace with this man’s decision. To be honest I still struggle…So I do my best to move on, trying to fill the void with hiking, running, chasing waterfalls all to escape the void that is deep with in my heart. Honestly, i’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter how I try and fill that void I still go to bed every night with the gnawing feeling that something is missing and often sometimes wonder if it could possibly work, or be different this time around. And sometimes I can even convince myself that he’ll see the light. Well, I’ve come to realize my love story has no happy ending. There is no happily ever after in this story.

At the end of this day I’m left with loss… the loss of the greatest love I’ve ever known. The kind of love where I’ve ever been able to truly be myself. The kind of love that everyone thought would last. The kind of love that left me aching in places I didn’t know was possible. Shakespeare said it best when he said, “love is blind”.

So, I move on. I continue to try and fill that void. Day after day, little by little parts of me come back and this intense feeling of deep affection is finally fading.

~me after you