What Do I Even Say?
Often times, I have an incredible amount of thoughts that run through my brain at high speeds. I struggle to catch hold of them and pin them down. I want to get my thoughts out onto paper. I want to get words out into vocalization but they get lost and they get jumbled. Sometimes I think what I have to say might be clever or intelligent in my mind, then I say it out loud to myself and I realize my thoughts are incredibly idiotic, pointless, useless.
How do I keep my thoughts pinned down? They fly by my mind’s eye at the speed of light, I have no chance. If I catch an idea, I catch more than one. All of the sudden all my ideas are flying out of my mouth all at once getting faster and faster and fasterfasterfasterfaster they won’t slow down. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m stuttering, getting louder, getting bigger, bolder.
I stop talking and the world goes quiet with me. I have just set forth an endless day of embarrassment. I will go over this in my mind every chance I get, every free thought will be consumed. I am a fool for opening my mouth. Why can’t I gt control of my mind so it might get control of my mouth? I don’t know how I’m supposed to talk when everything just comes walking out of my brain with disregard to how the rest of the world hears me. Where is security, ever protecting the public and stopping the villains of my mind from spewing from my body? Maybe it’s just not there anymore. Was it ever there to begin with?
What do I even say? What can I possibly say that makes any sense anymore? What is the point of even saying or thinking or doing if everything I say and do and think doesn’t make any sense? I wish my brain would just be quiet. I wish my brain would just be normal. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I blend in and hide. If I’m ever approached, asked questions or comments, what do I even say?