Today is your day.
Convenient access to personal health records
Is just a one-star app away.
You have brains in your head.
You have teeth in your mouth.
Set up automatic refills
Before your insulin runs out!
Schedule an X-ray, CT scan, ultrasound, or MRI —
Here’s a confirmation code to log into our site.
Lost it already?
We can’t say we’re shocked.
Our fifteen-factor verification
Should get it unlocked.
Now the portal is active!
Strap in for the ride
As the time-space continuum tears open wide…
OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! You’ll scream, “Please God, no! I knew…
Humor writer published in Slackjaw & Points in Case. She/her.