I am more than a Mom, are you?

When I was pregnant, hell before I was even pregnant, I spent a lot of time observing parenting styles, reading books on parenting and reading post after post on Babybook, err Facebook, about my “friend’s” children. It was decided pretty early on I was not going to let this tiny human dictate our life. Will I be a good mother? Absofuckinglutely. But I was not willing to give up everything I knew and loved to have a child. And why do we have to, really? I don’t know at what point this and helicopter parenting became a thing, but it has to go. I am a mom, yes. But I am more than a mom and I will never lose sight of that. It’s so important to not lose sight of who YOU were (or are) before baby came along. Your friends love that you, your husband loves that you, hell YOU loved that you. Please, don’t give it up. It will help you keep your sanity while raising this tiny human, it will keep you happy, it will keep you feeling fulfilled. We all know that a happy wife = happy life. But more importantly a happy wife + husband = a happy baby.

Friends When you are pregnant and after baby comes, don’t forget about your friends. Please, please, please. I understand that raising a kid, especially when you are a stay at home mom, is very time consuming. But it is possible to pick up the phone and call your friends to catch up. Will it be every day? Probably not. But carve out that time. Ask your husband to take over in the evening if you need to. Or call your friends during the morning commute or on lunch breaks. And when you talk it doesn’t need to be all about your baby, there’s more to gossip about really. While we are discussing talking to your friends, let’s talk about seeing your friends. I know it’s not as easy as it used to be, I get it, but you have to do it. And do it sans baby. Sure you are obsessed with your kids laugh, squeals and quite possibly shrieks, but I can guarantee you your friend only thinks it’s cute for the first 10 minutes. Respect your friend’s time. And if you really need to meet your friends with your baby, offer options every one at dinner will enjoy. Your friends don’t want to sit at a place a step up from Chuck-E-Cheese.

Hobbies You may not have as much time to enjoy your favorite past-times anymore but just as it’s a necessity to feed your child when they are hungry, it’s a necessity to do what keeps you happy. Whether it’s working out, painting, baking, shopping — just get out there and fucking do it. Ask your family to help, hire a sitter — dedicate time every week to doing something you love.

Husband Ah, yes that guy you married and have since forgotten about since baby came along. I have heard more times than not about women who stop having sex, stop going on dates, only discuss their child in conversations — you get the point. Aside from the fact that a happy and healthy relationship is good for your sanity, it is great for your child to observe growing up. Just like you are making (or should be) time for you, make the time for you and your husband. My husband and I go on weekly dates. Are they over the top elaborate expensive dates every single week? No and they don’t need to be. These dates can be a walk in the park, they can be cruising the aisles of a grocery store — just get out of the house without your child and spend some quality 1:1 time with your boo.

Home OK. I understand keeping your child occupied helps maintain your sanity levels but can we try and do that in a way that their toys and play houses don’t take up your entire living room? It’s fine and dandy when the kid is awake and playing, but when they nap or go down for the evening you are constantly reminded of your role as a mother. It seeps in to everything you do when you see that brightly colored shit every second of every day. We have dedicated Maximara’s room as her toy room. We have bins that we store the toys in so they are kept in an orderly manner when not in use. There are a handful of toys strategically placed in a decorative trunk in our den. When we have friends over, the kids end up playing in the den. And if she wants to hang with me in the living room during the day we carry a bin of toys from her room to our main living area. At the end of the day when she goes down, the toys go with her. Come 7pm my husband and I have 1:1 in an environment that doesn’t scream a kid lives here. It is relaxing and calming to be in our zone at the end of a very hard work day for both of us.

If you are a modern mama like myself and want to join the conversation there is a private Stroller Squad group on Facebook where we discuss all of the topics above and then some.

Cheers to YOU.

-Xx-

#thestrollersquad