When life is funnier than fiction

The story of how my day started belongs in a situational comedy.

First, I’ll offer a little background. I work full-time and my husband is a stay-at-home-dad who does occasional freelance work. Lately, he’s been dealing with depression and mid-life crisis and has not really been pulling his weight, in my opinion. We’ve had many arguments about this, the most recent being just a few days ago. We’re both a tad bit on the defensive with each other, and there are some turns of phrases and patterns of communication that tend to set us off.

I woke up being a little irritated with my husband, because once again he had turned off my alarm clock while I was still sleeping and neglected to realize that it’s there for a reason. I had an extremely important meeting at work, so punctuality was necessary today. It should not have been a big deal, because even though I woke up thirty minutes later than I should have, I still had plenty of time. I got a little bit more irritated when I realized that he had gone back to sleep and our son needed to leave for school in fifteen minutes. I had no choice but to shake him awake, because at this point, I was running late and didn’t have time to take our son to school without being really late.

I probably came across as being a little bit angry, but I’m not one to hold on to that sort of thing for long under normal circumstances. In this case, by the time I’d finished the fastest shower in human history, I’d completely forgotten about it, but he still thought I was mad at him.

Once I warm up a bit and get dressed
Me: “Just so you know, don’t run the dishwasher or try to do laundry, because…”
Him: “Stop. Stop. Stop. I don’t want to hear it.”
Me: “Okay?….”

Ten minutes later, when I observe him looking in the dishwasher
Me: “Are the dishes clean or dirty?”
Him: “Dirty”
Me: “Okay, I’ll wash them tonight after I…”
Him: “Stop. Don’t. I know you’re mad at me. I don’t want to hear it.”
Me: “I’m not mad at you. I’m just trying to tell you…”
Him: “Stop. Don’t.”
Me (laughing out loud): “I’m just trying to tell you…”
Him: “I know you’re mad at me. Now you are laughing at me. I don’t want to hear it.”
Me: “Okay, eventually you will figure it out.”
Him: “Just go away.”
Me: “Okay…”

Five hours later, I get the phone call from my husband, which I had been expecting
Him: “So are we going to yell or are we going to talk about this?”
Me: “Have you taken a shower?”
Him: “Yes… Oh, I just figured out what you were trying to tell me this morning. I’m sorry. I should have listened to you.”
Me: “I would have re-lit the pilot light on the water heater myself, but I was running late.”
Him: “Where is the lighter?”

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